Posts Tagged ‘Yardley Love’

Dating Violence IS Rampant; It’s Time to Wake Up and Smell the Coffee…

May 10, 2010 3 comments

It’s Time to Wake Up and Smell the Coffee..

Dating violence is rampant and “It’s Time To Wake Up and Smell the Coffee” for parents, educators and females of all ages and our communities.  Get your heads out of the sand and stop thinking, “it won’t happen to me”, “my daughter is bright/smart-no one would ever harm her”.     The reality is…..anyone can be a victim and the sooner that everyone realizes this and starts to take pro-active measures and step up to educate and train our females in all respects the sooner we can make a solid attempt to stop abuse.  Education that she will have the rest of her life, SHE IS WORTHY AND DESERVES IT.  You (parents and girls) will have to take the first step to personal safety.

Yardly Love and George Hugely’s “U-VA Romance” was far from a “healthy dating relationship” as stated in an article.  The alleged muderer, Hugely has had run-ins with law enforcement and his family has admitted that he had/has “anger management issues”.  Do you honestly think that during the course of Love and Hugely’s relationship that he didn’t demonstrate “anger” in forms of emotional/verbal/mental and physical abuse (POWER AND CONTROL) toward Love?  As an Expert, I  say “OH HELL YES HE DID!”

There were signs throughout the relationship that were red flags/warning signs and most likely from the beginning.  Unfortunately and perhaps Love didn’t see or know the warning signs in order to bail before the abuse went way too far…………murder.  Yardley did not have to die to bring awareness to dating violence and abuse.  Dating violence and abuse is not new.  But education and training our females is new and absolutely necessary.

The abuse that transpired is not Love’s fault.  Love was a victim.  Who is to blame is the abuser, the system, parents, our communities, our education departments (middle schools/high schools/colleges).  Yes, I’ve said it and there’s no sugar here on this post.  We as a society have so much at our fingertips to at least attempt to cut abuse off at the chase that is not taken advantage of.  Ask yourself, why is that?

Abusers fail to see that they have a problem or issue; parents fail to see, turn their backs on the possibility that their son has an issue with anger management and the possibilities of where it may lead.  Our communities take a back seat, many don’t want to “get involved….it’s a family issue” – NO IT’S A DAMN COMMUNITY ISSUE.  We have an EPIDEMIC on our hands parents. And, your child is not surrounded by a bubble that will protect her for the rest of her life.  It is your job to provide the most available education in all areas for her in order to live a long and healthy life.

As for school systems…..well, it time for looking outside of the box and to make a decision.  Not one  school is sterile whereas dating violence is not happening in the halls, in the parking lots, dorms rooms, or campus apartments and even homes. Educators…it is your job to get involved.  Promote to educate our youth, females and males about all of the above.  And, take a step further EVERYONE………..GET THE FEMALES TRAINED IN ALL ASPECTS OF PERSONAL SAFETY.  Implement the training into their daily lives, it’s never too late.  Education that they will have forever just like math, english and driver’s ed.

A female does not have to take a “martial arts class”  years upon years to learn how to protect and defend herself.  Learning AWARENESS is the FIRST STEP OF ANY FORM OF SELF-DEFENSE.  However, we have to educate about awareness, introduce intuition and how to embrace it, safety tips as well as how they can use their bodies to protect and defend themselves “REALISTICALLY” if they should ever encounter a physical altercation.  This education is readily available to our young people and  it’s high time to make it happen.

Too many women are dying at the hands of their abusers and TIME’S UP……….the cycle of violence must be stopped. A female can be educated to heighten her awareness whereas all of her senses come to full alert. What is the difference between an healthy and unhealthy relationship.  Males must be educated as well by men who take a stance in the arena of Men Against Violence.

The type of ignorance that is demonstrated in our homes, schools and media serves no  justice for the victims that fall prey to any type of abuse.   In reality the topic of Domestic Violence, Dating Violence, Abuse, Stalking, Rape, etc. are NOT WARM AND FUZZY TOPICS that many wish to speak about.  Well……….it high time that WE START!  And, parents……… all starts with you.

As an Expert I ask you this………..”How much is your daughter’s life worth?” Harsh but true.  Parents take action, it’s your J-O-B – trust me.

Please do not allow your daughter to become a statistic.  Let’s work together to bring safety and awareness to our young people – don’t they deserve it?

Keeping Yardley, her family and friends in our thoughts and prayers.

Washington Post’s “Heartbreaking Headline” is Disturbing by Susan Murphy-Milano…

May 10, 2010 1 comment

Washington Post’s “Heartbreaking Headline” is Disturbing

Repost from Susan Murphy-Milano Journal

The headline in the Washington Post, ” HEARTHBREAKING FINISH FOR U-VA ROMANCE,” continue, in my opinion, an ignorant yet sweeping trend in reporting these tragic crimes. Instead of sugar coating a headline that brings readers to the Internet or sell newspapers why not call it out for what this horriffic tragedy is, “Intimate Violence Murder Takes The Life of College Student,” or do a follow-up as True Crime Writer Kathryn Casey wrote titled “Okay Girls-Time-To-Listen Up.”

I realize that does not send loyal readers running to the headline in fact it is likely tomake intelligent subscribers ignore the story and head over to the lesuire section of the newspaper. And it also does not do much for parents sending their children off to college at a large university. Anyway you look at it it is about the all mighty dollar.

Lets face it Domestic ,Violence and Stalking related deaths do not sell newspapers. The subject matter is not attractive and it only perpetuates the myth that intitmateviolence is between two people and they should somehow work it work between themselves. I have a news flash for you; it obviously did not work for Yeardly Love, who, in my expert opinion, did not have to die. Nor does the fact that colleges polices and the hour of student orientation they receive upon entering college on sexual assualt and campus crimes do little more than protect a university from lawsuits because they have passed out to the new students written mumbo jumbo from information copied off aDepartment of Justice website or newsletter and called it “information you can use to be safe.” Obviously, it did not work for Yeardly Love or those we do not even hear about who are silenced on college campuses across the county.

It is a silent yet known fact that University police are not trained adequetly in sexual assualt and domestic violence crimes. And, yes, folks, they are crimes!

An example of another tragic case is a book written way back in 1995 by Washington Post pultizer prize winning journalist George Lardner titledm “The Stalking of Kristin,” about a promising young art student who was killed by a jealous ex-boyfriend while attending college. Kristin Lardner did everything right. She was educated and sophisticated, and had the time and resources to make the law work for her. And she was a member of the class of people who believe the law when it promises to protect them. With a parent’s rage, and an impressive command of the facts and statistics, George Lardner refutes the widespread belief that the courts offer effective protection to battered women who do report their abusers and press charges. The book includes photos of Kristin’s artwork about abuse of women and 80 pages of footnotes and bibliography about the legal system. Unfortunately, this book needs to be part of every college campus and law school is no longer in print. I thought about George Lardner, whom I met while on book tour of my first published work, “Defending Our Lives, Getting Away from Domestic Violence and Staying Safe.” [published by Doubleday Books]

I am sure, if asked of the father of Kristin , George Lardner, “what has changed in the legal system since the murder of his daughter 18 years ago?”: his response would likely be “nothing has changed.”

Maybe the Washington Post will do a story or review on the book “Time’s Up A Guide on How to LLeave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships.” It may not grab new subscribers to the Washington Post, but it will save lives!