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“Time’s Up”…Stop Allowing Someone to Victimize You!

December 2, 2010 Comments off

Susan Murphy-Milano

Before you announce your thoughts about how unhappy you are or that the relationship simply is not working for you any longer, have a solid plan in place. Women often fail to plan ahead in leaving, underestimating what the abuser can and actually ends up doing.
Susan Powell Example

Susan Powell, a married stockbroker and is a devoted mother to two young sons. Over time, Susan’s husband Josh became more and more controlling. Their marriage deteriorated. At this point in a relationship, many abusers begin to formulate a plan born of anger and desperation.

This plan remains in the abuser’s mind until they notice subtle signs of movement. Perhaps Josh walked into the room as Susan whispered into the phone. When she realized he was in the room, she quickly changed her tone or ended the phone call. Perhaps he learned Susan set up a bank account, and decided she was hiding money so she and the kids could leave.

The signs of movement spark Josh, or any potential abuser, to think of the next level. They think to themselves, “OK, she is going to leave me. I will not let that happen”. He acts as though nothing is wrong. When she goes to sleep, however, Josh leaps into action. He may:

•rummage through her car looking for evidence of her plan–a bank receipt or an unusual transaction or charge
•check her cell phone for any unusual numbers he does not recognize
•search her computer, checking to see which websites she visited

He finds something. Inwardly his anger skyrockets and his heart races. Outwardly, he remains calm and says nothing to Susan. A smile comes to his face. He “caught her,” and he figures in the future, she will pay one way or another.

Susan begins to email a trusted circle of friends about Josh’s abuse and threats. Maybe she keeps a detailed log containing dates and times of the incidents.

Next, Josh does what I label the “smell change.” Susan acts strangely. Josh, like most abusers, literally senses, or “smells” when his environment has shifted. Perhaps Susan verbalizes her unhappiness more often. Maybe she stands up for herself during a fight, where months before she would have backed down and gone to her room without incident.

Most abused women have difficulty hiding that “spark of empowerment” from a clever abuser. The abuser smells the spark, like a fox scents prey as he enters a coop full of chickens.

On December 7, 2009, Susan Powell of Utah disappeared. Law enforcement personnel consider her husband Josh a person of interest.

Susan Powell’s case appears no different from millions of cases of intimate partner violence we never hear about, until women disappear and someone finds their bodies. Often no “official documentation” of the abuse exists because the terrified women did not contact police or obtain a court order of protection. Why? Better than anyone, the victims know the court order of protection would not help. The court order of protection would only escalate the level of danger.

[Susan Murphy Milano is with the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is an expert on intimate partner violence and homicide crimes. For more information visit http://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com/ She is the author of “Time’s Up A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships,” available for purchase at the Institute, Amazon.com and wherever books are sold.  Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, “Time’s Up!” on Here Women Talk http://www.herewomentalk.com/ and is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated The Roth Show with Dr. Laurie Roth http://www.therothshow.com/) ]

Time’s Up by Susan Murphy-Milano… for Victims of Domestic Abuse

March 31, 2010 Comments off
Press Release: Time’s Up by Susan Murphy-Milano
For Immediate Release
Time’s Up for Victims of Domestic Abuse
March 31, 2010……With the proliferation of deaths due to domestic violence, something has to be done, something different, and something effective. Susan Murphy-Milano, a 20 year veteran of family violence will be releasing her newest book, “Time’s Up” A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships, on April 12, 2010.
“Time’s Up” guides the victim towards safety by showing them the unseen pitfalls of leaving a violent relationship and how to navigate around them. “Time’s Up” also has explicit details and instructions how to fill out an “Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit”, one of the unique things that Murphy-Milano has created and used through the years in high danger cases which has saved the lives of many.
Susan Murphy-Milano is a specialist in family violence and works nationally with domestic violence programs, law enforcement and prosecutors providing technical and consulting services in “high risk” domestic violence and stalking related cases. Her principal objective is to intervene before a victim is seriously injured or killed. In 1999, Susan was inducted into the Women’s Hall of Fame for her work on behalf of Women’s Rights. In 2001, Susan received the Women with Vision Award from the Illinois Bar Association.
Author of “Defending Our Lives” Doubleday books and “Moving Out Moving On” when a relationship goes wrong, Susan is host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show and is also a contributor to “Time’s Up!” and “Women In Crime Ink” online. With co-stars, Dennis Griffin and Vito Colucci, Susan will be participating in the new television show, “Crime Wire” which will examine cases in which the investigations have left questions unanswered and possible criminal activity unexposed.
For more information: http://www.susanmurphymilano.com
Contact: contact@imaginepublicity.com
843.808.0859
**Every DV agency, Advocate, church, police and sheriff’s departments should have a supply of Susan’s book to share with EVERY victim that they speak to. Time’s Up should be included with every packet of information that is distributed to victims. Thank you Susan for ALL that you do. Blessings.
Take care and STAY SAFE!