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Florence + The Machine – Kiss With A Fist
How can others condone any song that trivializes domestic violence?
Florence and the Machine single, Kiss With A Fist was featured on their 2009 Mercury Prize-nominated album, Lungs. I am not a fan of Florence nor listen to Pop often but this song has resurfaced in our arena and needs a friendly reminder.
Originally, a great deal of confusion surrounded the song’s meaning. With lyrics such as “broke your jaw once before”, “split your blood upon the floor”, “you smashed a plate over my head”, “you gave a kick” and “I gave a slap” – the song was thought by many to be based on domestic violence, which Florence denied.
Florence explained the song’s meaning on her MySpace page:
“Kiss with a Fist” is NOT a song about domestic violence. It is about two people pushing each other to psychological extremes because they are fighting but they still love each other. The song is not about one person being attacked, or any actual physical violence, there are no victims in this song. Sometimes the love two people have for each other is a destructive force. But they can’t have it any other way, because it’s what holds them together, they enjoy the drama and pushing each other’s buttons. The only way to express these extreme emotions is with extreme imagery, all of which is fantasism and nothing in the song is based on reality. Leona Lewis’s “Bleeding Love” isn’t actually about her bleeding and this song isn’t actually about punching someone in the mouth.”
Florence further elaborated on her inspiration behind the song:
“I was 16 or 17 when I wrote this. I’d just fallen in love for the first time, and I’d also started hanging out with an older group of people, watching how their relationships worked. There was this one couple who were so cool, but so visceral and so intense. The guy never hit the girl, but I saw her lamp him a couple of times, and she’d always give as good as she got. But it wasn’t really physical violence, it was more about the fact that their animal passion for each other was the thing that was attractive for them. It was how joyful destruction can be, and how alluring it is to be in a relationship so fiery. There was never a dull moment when they were around. I don’t know how they do it! I’m a conflict avoider. I think I write about such intense things because I’m actually really bad at expressing anger.”
I personally question the song contrary to Florence’s explanations, artists and producers who have promoted the song, “Whatever the meaning, this is an exhilarating debut single” stated by MusicOMH.
It is so sad that so many people DO NOT know all of the types of abuse. The majority of individuals when asked, “what is the first thing that pops into their brain when I say the words “domestic violence or dating violence”? They immediately go to the physical aspect of abuse. The black and blue bruises, the fat lip, the black eye….unfortunately there is so much education that needs to be spread about all forms of abuse.
Ms. Florence needs to be educated about the different forms of abuse as well as the warning signs and red flags. An individual can be physically abused without even being hit. The continuous abuse in the forms of drama, emotional turmoil, stress, verbal abuse ALWAYS leads to physical abuse (hair loss, weight loss/gain, ulcers, IBS, headaches, acid reflux, etc.), “pushing each other’s buttons” leads to stress and stress takes a toll on one’s body.
How can you state that “it wasn’t really physical violence” when you saw a female “lamp him” when you were a teenager? The was physical violence. It’s NOT okay for a female to hit a male or vice versa. The “animal passion” that you refer to IS DESTRUCTIVE. It will not stop. The impulsive behavior will lead to paths of destruction of both either together or in other relationships.
It is imperative to educate our communities and our children as to what is a healthy relationship vs. an unhealthy relationship. This song is all about domestic violence and dating violence. Florence’s inspiration for writing this song is domestic violence even though she thinks/feels differently as to how individuals should treat once another.
It truly amazes me how artists get paid millions for producing such garbage and the fact that they are role models for so many people! Why would anyone pay anything to listen to a violence-encouraging song? To name a few artists that are and have benefited are, Rihanna, Girls Gone Bad, Rihanna accepts her fate as a now “bad girl” and uses her former abuses to justify her own future misbehavior; Russian Roulette,the music video featuring her being subjugated by a man with a gun and at one point, run over by his car. Later in the video she gets shot through the neck while she’s writhing underwater; Rihanna and Eminem (Love The Way You Lie-), the song ends with Rihanna singing the chorus and reaffirming that she not only takes but somehow enjoys the abusive treatment she routinely gets; Sting, Every Breath You Take; The Beatles, Run For Your Life; Metallica, Die, Die My Darling; Eminem, Just The Two of Us and Jarvic Church, Run For Your Life.
A year later this song along with others are still on the air waves blasting on stereos and is extremely disturbing as it sure as hell promotes domestic violence and dating violence. Some have even made it to the number one spot on the charts!
Singing about withstanding abuse and even coming back for more is not the message we want to be sending teenaged young women who find themselves in similar situations. Not to mention it isn’t a good message to send to men: treat your women terribly and even the most seemingly gorgeous and successful ones will stick by your side.
Take care and STAY SAFE!
Anny
Rihanna showing courage and poise as she tells her story
November 6, 2009
National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline
We are seeing a third media frenzy over the Chris Brown and Rihanna story. This time, the world is seeing a poised and courageous Rihanna talk about a very confusing and painful time in her life. She is still trying to sort it out for herself.
One thing she has realized is that young girls are watching her and taking her actions seriously. In the Good Morning America interview, she said she could not take that “lightly.”
You may have noticed that some stories refer to her story as domestic violence and others as dating violence. It doesn’t really matter what you call it. Rihanna was hurt by a man who said he loved her. It was not her fault. It was his choice.
We will continue to see more of this story in the news as we all try to understand how this could have happened. It is a good discussion to have. Thank you, Rihanna for your willingness to share with us.
By Sheryl Cates
CEO, The Hotline and loveisrespect
Rihanna has shown tremendous courage in speaking out, and telling her story WILL SAVE LIVES.
As a celebrity who is admired by millions of young women around the world, Rihanna has the ability to capture the attention of the nation and inspire others to leave an abusive relationship before it is too late. She has chosen to speak out to ensure that young women going through similar situations will see that this is a serious issue and they need to take action. Her voice will give courage to women who are suffering in silence to speak out and take action.
I’ve been asked why Rihanna should feel embarrassed and ashamed and maybe even guilty, but these feelings are characteristic of what happens when violence takes place in an intimate relationship. You love this person and he hurt you. It still doesn’t mean that it is your fault. The violence was a choice that the abuser made.
Rihanna’s experience illustrates the need for education in schools. Dating violence is preventable. It is not an accident.
I encourage anyone who is in an abusive relationship to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224. You can also visit www.thehotline.org for information. We are here 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to help victims of domestic violence.
If you are a teen, sign on for a live chat with a peer advocate at www.loveisrespect.org or call us at 1-866-331-9474.
Call us. We are here to help 24 hours a day.
Rihanna Breaks Her Silence on Chris Brown Saga
oneindia
Wednesday, November 4, 2009, 12:39
Washington, (ANI): Rihanna wants to turn things around after the infamous domestic violence incident involving former boyfriend Chris Brown and shed some light on the reality of domestic violence. The ‘Umbrella’ singer’s ex-beau Brown, 20, assaulted her before the Grammy Awards kicked off in Los Angeles. But now the stunning pop singer is embracing change.
Named with four others “Woman of the Year” by Glamour, the 21-year-old Barbadian singer has said that despite the shame owing to the media frenzy over the incident, she wants to use her experience to make young women aware of the “big secret” about abusive relationships.
“Teenage girls can”t tell their parents that their boyfriend beats them up…It”s one of the things we (women) hide because it”s embarrassing,” CBS News quoted Rihanna as saying. “I want to give as much insight as I can to young women because I feel like I represent a voice that isn”t really heard. Now I can help speak for those women,” she added.
I post the articles above and below with pending questions as well as concerns.
Since Rihanna’s assault became public many felt that she had every opportunity to be a voice for victims of domestic violence if she would have only pressed charges instead of going into hiding. The impact of her voice would have been a loud message to all, “I DO NOT AND WILL NOT TOLERATE ABUSE”. This did not happen. Many were disappointed to see/read/hear that she did not come forward, press charges and then explored rekindling a relationship with Chris. But then again, this is a very common saga/cycle. The vicious cycle of domestic violence:
This assault brought national and international attention to domestic violence and abuse but was not the first time between Chris Brown and Rihanna.
We’ve witness Chris Brown trying to salvage his career on national television and in interviews. Now Rihanna comes forward.
What are the guidelines for picking “Woman/Women of the Year” awards given by Glamour? Glamour choose five women for 2009, Rihanna, Maria Shriver, Michelle Obama, Amy Poehler and Serena. “They’ve got strength, talent, altruism, humor, and intellect in spades–and did we mention incredible style, to boot?” stated on Glamour’s website.
I pray that Rihanna has come to her decision on her own accord to speak out and not pressured by her award by Glamour nor others (agents and camp). I pray that this is NOT a ploy to salvage her career but rather be a voice and Advocate for victims of Domestic Violence. However, Rihanna is still healing as the transition from victim to survivor takes time and everyone heals in their own time. We all know the impact that Rihanna can/will have on her fans (especially our young people) regarding domestic violence – a considerable impact of awareness only if for the “right” reasons.
However, the mixed signals that were sent to all and now again can be damaging in many ways. Rihanna definitely has our attention and we are waiting to hear from her lips to our ears what her intentions are. Any person of fame that advocates for a cause has to be willing to step up and be ready and able to be in the spotlight of their cause. How will Rihanna handle her role?
Time will tell.
Rihanna Breaks Her Silence on Chris Brown Saga
Rihanna Tells Diane Sawyer: ‘This Happened to Me … It Can Happen to Anyone’
By LAUREN SHER and SHEILA MARIKAR
Nov. 4, 2009
After months of silence, pop sensation Rihanna is talking publicly about her relationship with her ex-boyfriend, Chris Brown, and the February 2009 events that led to his arrest.
“The more in love we became, the more dangerous we became for each other,” she told ABC News’ Diane Sawyer in an exclusive interview set to air on “Good Morning America” at 7am ET Thursday, Nov. 5. Their full interview will air on “20/20” at 10p E.T. Friday, Nov. 6.
In August, Brown was sentenced to five years of probation, six months of community service and one year of domestic violence counseling for assaulting the 21-year-old pop singer the night before the Grammy Awards.
“This happened to me … it can happen to anyone,” Rihanna told Sawyer in the “20/20” interview, which will also be seen on “GMA.”
Rihanna told Sawyer that Brown was “definitely my first big love” before the dramatic incident, which resulted in the tabloids tearing apart the couple’s seemingly fairy tale relationship.