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Stalking IS a C-R-I-M-E!

January 7, 2012 3 comments

STALKING IS A CRIME!

“He Was Really Scary…I Had a Stalker”

Me and my mom were volunteering to set up for a dance at a country club. We’d already volunteered a few times, but this time we met a few other volunteers there. There was a woman and her son. So her son kept coming up to me and asking me questions about how to set up the tables and where they kept the food we were supposed to put out, so basically all of the questions the guy who owned the place had already answered. I figured he just needed a friend. I wasn’t creeped out until he started staring at me. I would look at him and he would look away, but right when I looked away out of the corner of my eye I could see him looking at me again. I was kind of freaked out, so after I was done volunteering that day my mom said we could leave. I went to get my coat and he followed me and asked me if I was coming to the dance. I told him no, and he looked like he was very mad at me and he walked away. So me and my mom leave, and I forget about this guy. Then like 2 weeks later I get this phone call, and I answer and it’s the guy I met at the volunteering place. He asks me if I’m busy that day and I tell him sorry I am and he yells at me and hangs up. I never gave him my number and I wasn’t sure how he got it. Then he called later that night and said he was sorry for calling and yelling at me. He asks me if I’m busy the next day. I tell him I’m sorry but I am. He doesn’t say anything and he just says bye and hangs up. So basically he just kept calling me every day and asking me if I was busy. I got sick of him calling and when he would call I would have a family member answer and say I wasn’t home. Then in the middle of the night I was up and I was in the kitchen getting something to drink when I hear a knock at my slider door and I see him standing there with a flashlight. I screamed and then ran to my parents room. My dad gets up and he doesn’t see him and our door was locked so we know he didn’t get inside. I slept in their room and then a few months passed. He calls my house again and asks me why I didn’t let him in. I hang up on him and block his number. He gets another phone and calls my house and he asks why his girlfriend (me) blocked his number. I told him I wasn’t his girlfriend and he needs to leave me alone or I was going to call the cops. He chickens out for a few years. Then I’m in my senior year of high school and he comes to my door asking if I remember him. I tell him that I have a boyfriend and that he needs to go away. He waited outside my school in the parking lot and then he asked if i wanted a ride. I tell him no I have a ride and he gets mad and yells at me. I got a ride from one of my friends and he follows us so she drives around and eventually he gives up. A few days later her tires are slashed. I’m asleep in my room the next night and he breaks open my window and comes inside. I’m screaming at the top of my lungs but my parents are on a cruise and I’m the only one home. I was positive I was going to die. I finally stop screaming because I’m crying so hard and he’s just making it worse by trying to hug me and comfort me and crap and I start screaming for help. He says he’s going to take me somewhere and were going to run away together and while he’s saying his whole plan the cops get there. He tried to run but the cops cought him and then took him to prison. So now it’s years later and I’m married and I found out the neighbor across the street heard me screaming and called the cops when she saw the window broken. I also found out that the guy who owned the country club gave him my address because he said we left stuff there and he was going to bring it to our house. So I’ve never volunteered anywhere besides schools ever since then.

The above stalking victim wrote in her own words what and how her stalker stalked her.  I find that it helps to share with readers real life experiences of victims so just perhaps you will have a better understanding of the devastating effects that stalking have on victims of this serious crime.

As you can see stalking cases are carried out by ex-partners or by someone that you have never had close relationship with, many victims have never even met their stalker. Often a victim’s stalker can be someone known through work, or a friend of a friend or it could be someone you pass on the street. And with the internet as huge as it is, sometimes people never set eyes on their stalker.

One of the main problems is that so many of us are brought up to be polite and kind, and rather to rebuff unwanted attention, we often let it go. We find ourselves in slightly awkward situations and do not make it clear that we are unhappy. For example, with repeated text messages from someone we don’t know well, we might reply politely to one or two. After that we might ignore them, when perhaps the best although not necessarily the easiest thing to do is say that you do not want any more texts. The number of stalking victims are alarming and terrifying.

Victims must get help that they need and deserve. Until a victim speaks to someone who has been stalked, you never will fully understand how terrifying it truly is. Being stalked is extremely distressing, a victim is used as a plaything for the stalker’s amusement.

Stalking is a serious crime which usually hits the headlines when it’s linked to A-list celebs, but falling prey to a stalker is something that never crosses most of our minds. Stalking is on the rise as both women and men are being targeted by predatory stalkers.

If you are stalked:

First and foremost, have no contact with your stalker.

  • Show no emotion, regardless of how scared or angry you are. Never confront or agree to meet your stalker.
  • Trust your instincts. If you feel uncomfortable reach out for help.
  • Carry a cell phone with you at all times. Keep handy, memorize emergency phone numbers or program them into your speed dial in case of an emergency.
  • Call your local law enforcement and file a report of all incidents.
  • Tell your friends, family, neighbors, work colleagues and employer. All have the right to know what is happening for your safety as well as their own.
  • Try not to travel alone. Always vary your routes to and from work or school, the grocery store and any other places regularly visited. By changing your daily routes, it could make it more difficult for someone to learn your routine. If you run or walk for exercise, always get a friend (buddy) to go with you.
  • Keep evidence like texts, emails, letters and parcels. Record anything that could be proof and keep Stalker and Incident Behavior Log for reference.
  • If you are being followed, try to stay calm. If you’re driving, head for the nearest police department to get help.
  • If you ever feel in imminent danger, call 911.

The more the public becomes aware of the effects and toll that stalking can do to a victim – perhaps the more we will realize that STALKING IS A CRIME and it is NEVER the victim’s fault.

Every day should be an internal check about every awareness. Focusing on just one month a year of any specific cause is so minuet as the EPIDEMIC of assaults on females are off the charts.

STALKING: KNOW IT. NAME IT. STOP IT.

Take care and STAY SAFE!

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Risk Assessment of Stalking and Safety Plan Suggestions…

January 23, 2011 Comments off

What is stalking?

While legal definitions of stalking vary from one jurisdiction to another, a good working definition of stalking is a course of conduct directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to feel fear.

Stalking is another form of Power and Control; in reality it is mental abuse.

Stalking is serious, often violent, and can escalate over time.

Risk Assessment

Questions to ask a victim:  Has anyone ever:

  • Followed or spied on you more than twice?
  • Made repeated, unwanted phone calls to you?
  • Stood outside your home, school, office?
  • Left unwanted gifts or items for you to find?
  • Vandalized or damaged your property?
  • Repeatedly threatened you/those close to you?
  • Showed up at places you were for no apparent reason?

Safety Plan Suggestions for Victims of Stalking

  • IF YOU HAVE AN EMERGENCY, CALL 911
  • Do not attempt to negotiate with a stalker, do not have any contact or communication.
  • Telling a stalker ten times to leave you alone is nine times too many, be consistent.
  • If you have an order of protection, carry it with you at all times, keep extra copies.
  • If you think you are being stalked, call the police.  Make sure each incident is reported to the police, keep the complaint number and obtain a copy of the report.  Immediately begin to keep a behavior log for your case.
  • Allow an answering machine to screen all of your phone calls and save the messages.  Save any letter(s), emails, text messages, packages or gifts from the stalker.
  • Vary your routes to and from work or school.  Inform your building, office or campus security guards that someone is stalking you.  Travel with a companion whenever possible.
  • Keep your windows and doors locked securely at home and in your car.
  • Obtain a cellular phone for use outside of your home and in your car.  You do not have to have service or a contract with a cellular company to dial 911, just be sure to keep the cell phone charged.
  • Install deadbolts (one keyed AND one keyless) on every exterior door.  Have your existing doorknob locks changed as well as any existing keyed deadbolts and keep extra keys.  Secure windows with safety devices appropriate for the type of sliding glass door or window.  If possible, install a motion sensor light and an alarm system.  Keep lights and a radio or television on at different times.  Don’t sleep near a window and keep your shades drawn.
  • Tell trusted family members, friends, neighbors and employers that you are being stalked.  Provide them with a photo and description of the stalker and any vehicle information they he/she may drive.
  • Obtain an unlisted phone number or a phone number in someone else’s name.  Use a pager and give the number only to close family members and friends that WILL NOT have contact with the stalker.
  • If you feel that you are being followed, drive to a police or fire station.  Do not drive home.
  • Install wide-angle viewers and positively identify all visitors before opening your door.  Have a “peephole” installed on exterior doors and use them before opening your doors.
  • Visually  check front and rear passenger compartments before entering your vehicle, check your tires and vehicle for damage.  Always park in well lit areas.
  • If you have children, notify their schools of the situation, provide a photo and description with explicit instructions in writing.
  • Maintain a private post office box if your residence is confidential.
  • Obtain Caller Id, order a complete blocking of your phone number to ensure your number is not disclosed.  Utilize anonymous call reject or call blocking.  Notify the annoyance call bureau of harassing phone calls.  After you have filed a police report, you may be eligible for call tracing.

Take care and STAY SAFE!

Stalking IS a C-R-I-M-E!

January 5, 2011 Comments off

STALKING IS A CRIME!

“He Was Really Scary…I Had a Stalker”

Me and my mom were volunteering to set up for a dance at a country club. We’d already volunteered a few times, but this time we met a few other volunteers there. There was a woman and her son. So her son kept coming up to me and asking me questions about how to set up the tables and where they kept the food we were supposed to put out, so basically all of the questions the guy who owned the place had already answered. I figured he just needed a friend. I wasn’t creeped out until he started staring at me. I would look at him and he would look away, but right when I looked away out of the corner of my eye I could see him looking at me again. I was kind of freaked out, so after I was done volunteering that day my mom said we could leave. I went to get my coat and he followed me and asked me if I was coming to the dance. I told him no, and he looked like he was very mad at me and he walked away. So me and my mom leave, and I forget about this guy. Then like 2 weeks later I get this phone call, and I answer and it’s the guy I met at the volunteering place. He asks me if I’m busy that day and I tell him sorry I am and he yells at me and hangs up. I never gave him my number and I wasn’t sure how he got it. Then he called later that night and said he was sorry for calling and yelling at me. He asks me if I’m busy the next day. I tell him I’m sorry but I am. He doesn’t say anything and he just says bye and hangs up. So basically he just kept calling me every day and asking me if I was busy. I got sick of him calling and when he would call I would have a family member answer and say I wasn’t home. Then in the middle of the night I was up and I was in the kitchen getting something to drink when I hear a knock at my slider door and I see him standing there with a flashlight. I screamed and then ran to my parents room. My dad gets up and he doesn’t see him and our door was locked so we know he didn’t get inside. I slept in their room and then a few months passed. He calls my house again and asks me why I didn’t let him in. I hang up on him and block his number. He gets another phone and calls my house and he asks why his girlfriend (me) blocked his number. I told him I wasn’t his girlfriend and he needs to leave me alone or I was going to call the cops. He chickens out for a few years. Then I’m in my senior year of high school and he comes to my door asking if I remember him. I tell him that I have a boyfriend and that he needs to go away. He waited outside my school in the parking lot and then he asked if i wanted a ride. I tell him no I have a ride and he gets mad and yells at me. I got a ride from one of my friends and he follows us so she drives around and eventually he gives up. A few days later her tires are slashed. I’m asleep in my room the next night and he breaks open my window and comes inside. I’m screaming at the top of my lungs but my parents are on a cruise and I’m the only one home. I was positive I was going to die. I finally stop screaming because I’m crying so hard and he’s just making it worse by trying to hug me and comfort me and crap and I start screaming for help. He says he’s going to take me somewhere and were going to run away together and while he’s saying his whole plan the cops get there. He tried to run but the cops cought him and then took him to prison. So now it’s years later and I’m married and I found out the neighbor across the street heard me screaming and called the cops when she saw the window broken. I also found out that the guy who owned the country club gave him my address because he said we left stuff there and he was going to bring it to our house. So I’ve never volunteered anywhere besides schools ever since then.

The above stalking victim wrote in her own words what and how her stalker stalked her.  I find that it helps to share with readers real life experiences of victims so just perhaps you will have a better understanding of the devastating effects that stalking have on victims of this serious crime.

As you can see stalking cases are carried out by ex-partners or by someone that you have never had close relationship with, many victims have never even met their stalker. Often a victim’s stalker can be someone known through work, or a friend of a friend or it could be someone you pass on the street. And with the internet as huge as it is, sometimes people never set eyes on their stalker.

One of the main problems is that so many of us are brought up to be polite and kind, and rather to rebuff unwanted attention, we often let it go. We find ourselves in slightly awkward situations and do not make it clear that we are unhappy. For example, with repeated text messages from someone we don’t know well, we might reply politely to one or two. After that we might ignore them, when perhaps the best although not necessarily the easiest thing to do is say that you do not want any more texts. The number of stalking victims are alarming and terrifying.

Victims must get help that they need and deserve. Until a victim speaks to someone who has been stalked, you never will fully understand how terrifying it truly is. Being stalked is extremely distressing, a victim is used as a plaything for the stalker’s amusement.

Stalking is a serious crime which usually hits the headlines when it’s linked to A-list celebs, but falling prey to a stalker is something that never crosses most of our minds. Stalking is on the rise as both women and men are being targeted by predatory stalkers.

If you are stalked:

First and foremost, have no contact with your stalker.

  • Show no emotion, regardless of how scared or angry you are. Never confront or agree to meet your stalker.
  • Trust your instincts. If you feel uncomfortable reach out for help.
  • Carry a cell phone with you at all times. Keep handy, memorize emergency phone numbers or program them into your speed dial in case of an emergency.
  • Call your local law enforcement and file a report of all incidents.
  • Tell your friends, family, neighbors, work colleagues and employer. All have the right to know what is happening for your safety as well as their own.
  • Try not to travel alone. Always vary your routes to and from work or school, the grocery store and any other places regularly visited. By changing your daily routes, it could make it more difficult for someone to learn your routine. If you run or walk for exercise, always get a friend (buddy) to go with you.
  • Keep evidence like texts, emails, letters and parcels. Record anything that could be proof and keep Stalker and Incident Behavior Log for reference.
  • If you are being followed, try to stay calm. If you’re driving, head for the nearest police department to get help.
  • If you ever feel in imminent danger, call 911.

The more the public becomes aware of the effects and toll that stalking can do to a victim – perhaps the more we will realize that STALKING IS A CRIME and it is NEVER the victim’s fault.

Every day should be an internal check about every awareness. Focusing on just one month a year of any specific cause is so minuet as the EPIDEMIC of assaults on females are off the charts.

STALKING: KNOW IT. NAME IT. STOP IT.

Take care and STAY SAFE!

Who Becomes a Stalker?

January 4, 2011 3 comments

STALKING IS A CRIME!

Once you’ve been a victim, you know how life-destroying stalking can be.

Who Becomes a Stalker?

Stalkers are usually isolated and lonely, coming from the “disadvantaged” of our society; however, a stalker can occupy any place in our entire social spectrum. Often, the stalking may be triggered by a significant trauma or loss in the life of the perpetrator, usually within at least seven years of the stalking behavior.   (For example, relationship dissolution or divorce, job termination, loss/potential loss of a child, or an ill parent.)  Most stalkers are not psychotic.  In a comparative study of psychotic versus non-
psychotic stalkers (Mullen et al. 1999), 63% of the sample was found to be suffering from a common psychiatric condition, such as major depression, personality disorder, or substance dependence–with personality disorder being the most common diagnosis.

Ex-intimates: Common stalkers are people who previously shared a romantic relationship with the victim, and former intimates are the most common type of stalking target.   This can be either from a long or short term relationship.

Family members: A stalker may target a member of their family, such as a parent or sibling.   This would most likely be a resentful or rejected stalker, and they would target a family member they feel had rejected,  humiliated, or abused them in the past.

Friends and Acquaintances: The victim may be stalked by an intimacy seeker or an incompetent suitor motivated by a desire to start a romantic relationship with the victim.  The victim may be stalked by a resentful stalker, typically a neighbor, who may be involved in a disagreement with the victim about something such as noise, the location of a tree, or pets.

Workplace Contacts: In their study of stalkers, Mullen (et al) found that 23% had a professional relationship with their victim, most often a medical practitioner.  Other stalkers may be supervisors, fellow employees, service providers, clients, or others who show up at the victim’s workplace. Stalking behaviors directed at the victim may include:  sexual harassment, physical and sexual assaults, robberies, or even homicide.  A violent workplace stalker usually has a history of poor job performance, a high rate of absenteeism, and a record of threats and confrontations with people they resent in the workplace.

Victims often do not tell their co-workers or supervisors about the person who is stalking them because they fear reprisals from the stalker or other employees, don’t think they will be believed, or feel embarrassed about the situation.

Doctors, nurses, psychologists, or other health care providers may become the targets of stalking by obsessed clients or patients.   (Or the other way around)  Teachers may become stalked by students.  (Or the other way around.)  Psychiatrists are at particular risk for being the targets of stalking because of their contact with people with psychiatric conditions.

Strangers: respond politely.  These are most commonly Intimacy Seekers and Incompetent Suitors, but may also be Predatory stalkers or Resentful stalkers.  These stalkers may hide their identity from their victims at first, and reveal it after stalking their victim for some time in order to get closer to them. Victims may be initially flattered when stalker approaches them and date with their stalker, after many requests.  This can have the unintentional effect of encouraging the stalker, and making them believe that their love is reciprocated.

Gender: Stalkers are far more likely to be male, however, women can also become stalkers.   Women are more likely to  target someone they have known, usually a  professional contact.  Men are less likely to pursue other men, while females will often target other females.  The majority of female stalkers are intimacy seekers seeking to establish relationships, whereas men show a broader range of motivations, and are more often to be seeking to restore relationships.  Women are as likely to use violence as men, and there does not tend to be a difference between genders regarding the duration of  a stalking.  Thus, while the contexts and motives for stalking may differ between men and women, the intrusiveness of the behaviors and potential for harm does not.

Take care and STAY SAFE!

 

“Stalking: Real Fear, Real Crime”

January 3, 2011 1 comment

The video, “Stalking: Real Fear, Real Crime,” is a training tape produced through the collaborative efforts of the National Center for Victims of Crime, Lifetime Television, and LMNO Productions.

This 18-minute training tape was inspired by the tragic death of Peggy Klinke. Ms. Klinke was stalked and murdered by her ex-boyfriend in January 2003. While the tape is designed primarily for use with law enforcement officers, it is an educational tool that can be used with a wide variety of audiences. The first segment of the tape portrays Peggy’s story and illustrates the methods stalkers use to terrorize their victims and the dramatic effect of stalking on victims’ lives. Retired Lieutenant Mark Wynn, nationally recognized stalking expert and law enforcement trainer, is featured in the second segment.

Stalking is a lethal crime. It affects more than one million women and nearly 400,000 men in America each year. Tragically, seventy-six percent of female homicide victims were also stalked in the year prior to their murder. More than half of these victims reported the stalking to police before being murdered. It is the hope of Peggy Klinke’s family that this tape will give officers the information and tools they need to effectively intervene in stalking cases.

Compliments of Lifetime Television and the National Center for Victim’s of Crime National Stalking Resource Center

Take care and STAY SAFE!

Anny

Stalking Awareness Month ~ January 2011

January 2, 2011 1 comment

STALKING IS A CRIME!

Angela’s Nightmare…..

This nightmarish hell of an existence went on for 9 months.  Then he was caught leaving her apartment while she was at work one day.  He had taken a radio from her apartment. She pressed charges against him. However, he was released on bail.  Now the phone calls varied between begging and threatening for her to drop the charges.  But she refused.  Perhaps this is what pushed him to stab her 24 times the day before his court hearing. . . perhaps it was more.  The only thing I truly know is that I will never see her smile again.  She’ll never come bouncing in the room, spreading cheer.  She’ll never sit and reminisce with me again.  Her son will never know what a wonderful loving mother he had or what she sacrificed to try to give him a “normal” life.

Stalking is a repetitive pattern of unwanted, harassing or threatening behavior committed by one person against another.  Acts include: telephone harassment, being followed, receiving unwanted gifts, and other similar forms of intrusive behavior.  All states and the Federal Government have passed anti-stalking legislation.  Definitions may vary state-to-state but most define stalking as “the willful, malicious, and repeated following and harassing of another person that threatens his or her safety”.

Stalking is about obsession.  It may be motivated by an intense affection or an extreme dislike.  Stalking is very common.  One out of twelve females that YOU know and one out of forty-five men that  YOU know have been stalked.

Men commit most stalking and stalking has become one of the most dreaded crimes against women in recent years.  Many women know their stalker personally and as a result, are hesitant to believe the situation is potentially dangerous.  Being aware of these alarming signals can help you determine if you are being stalked and what you can do about it.

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]As a stalking victim, one of the most important things for you to remember is you neither wanted this, asked for it, nor do you deserve this.

There are basic steps that can be followed to help ensure your safety, but it does entail changing y our normal day to day routines and your way of life, as you once knew it.  You have no choice at this point.  The stalker won’t change so it’s up to you.  Is it fair?  Hell no, but it’s your safety and your life that we’re talking about, so you are the one who has to make the change.

 

First and foremost, have no contact with  your stalker.


As a stalking victim, you are frustrated, you are angry, you are in fear for your life.  How often have you wanted to scream into the phone after receiving a harassing call or confront the stalker and demand to be left alone?  You may want a friend or relative to tell the stalker to stop bothering you.  DON’T DO IT.  The stalker feeds on your attention and anyone close to you.  Your stalker doesn’t hear you screaming “leave me alone.”  If you do this, the stalker knows you’re once again paying attention to him/her, whether it’s direct contact with you or through a third party.  That’s what a stalker wants – attention, and that can be dangerous. Only the police should contact or confront the stalker.  Keep a Stalker and Incident Behavior Log for reference.

Take care and STAY SAFE!

Stalking Awareness Month ~ January 2010

January 13, 2010 1 comment

STALKING IS A CRIME!

Angela’s Nightmare…..by her sister;

Angela was one of those people who sought the good in everyone she met.  “Everyone has a little bit of good, if you just look for it. It’s up to us to help them display it.”  “People aren’t born mean or grumpy or sad . . . life makes them that way.”  She felt the same way even after she decided to divorce her husband of one year. He became very possessive when their son was born. No one except Angela, her husband and myself was allowed to take care of the baby or even hold him.  From the very first day at the hospital, it was like noon but Nathan knew how to care for an infant.  The possessiveness got increasingly worse.

Then Nathan was injured at work and Angela started looking for a job.  He started accusing her of having affairs with coworkers, and liking her job more than her family.  He began trying to prevent her from visiting family members.   For some reason, it was okay to visit me and my kids, but not when we were at Mom’s house.

Nathan underwent another personality change when he began taking different medications from several different doctors for his injury. The mixture of drugs made things increasingly worse. He started lashing out in anger, putting holes in the walls with his fists and breaking things around the house.  “You’re face is next,” he’d say. Through it all, Angela always seemed to remember the good she use to see in him.

One day, he tried to stop her from taking the baby to visit family.  He grabbed the baby and pulled her arm up behind her back, leaving bruises.  That was the last straw for her, and she decided to leave him. Instead, he moved out of their apartment, saying he did not want to disrupt the baby’s life.  Although, Angela tried to arrange visitation, Nathan kept coming back at all hours of the day and night.  He stole her mail and harassed office workers into letting him in the apartment.  When they finally refused, he broke in and took the baby’s furniture.  He said a son should not be raised without his father.  Angela could not get help because they were still married.  So, we managed to borrow the money for a divorce.

Only, divorcing him did not help.  He only got worse.  He began stalking her.  At first, he just seemed to be everywhere she went.  He went to their son’s daycare and raised heck.  He called her constantly at work.  Then he began just sitting outside the babysitter’s or daycare.  One time I recall he jumped over the fence because another toddler had taken a toy away from HIS son.  The daycare asked Angela to find somewhere else to take the baby.  They felt the situation was getting dangerous for the other children.

At the new place, her ex called the police and said the babysitter was beating the children so bad they were all full of blood.  It may sound funny now, but the kids had just eaten spaghetti and had sauce all over them. When her ex-husband looked in the window at the sitter’s house, he jumped to the worst possible conclusion. Maybe by this time the drug mixture was frying him or more likely he is a person who must be in control and will do anything to maintain that control.

Then he started sitting outside her place of employment. He just sat there in the parking lot for hours at a time. One day he’d leave roses on her car seat and the next day he’d call yelling and screaming that she was a “whore-slut-bitch” (and other names I prefer not to put here) and would tell her she was unfit to be a mother.  Then he’d call again and ask her to meet him for coffee somewhere so they could talk.  We never knew what to expect next.

One evening, before she got off work, he broke into her apartment and fixed her dinner. When she walked in he said, “Hi, Honey! I fixed you dinner.”  She slammed the door shut and drove straight to Mom’s house.  The stalking continued. He broke into her apartment several more times just to leave notes that said “You can’t get away.  I can always get to you.” “You will always belong to me.”

Angela finally went to court for a Protective Order.  What we were to come to realize is that protective orders only protect you from LAW-ABIDING or law-fearing people.  As long as he was 200 feet away when the police arrived, he was not in violation of the order.  Two hundred feet is not all that far, especially when one has at the very least 5 minutes (police response time) to move that far away.  Additionally, his visitation rights with his son continued and overrode the protective order.  Her divorce decree also overrode the protective order in requiring her to provide him with a valid phone number and address at all times.  Moving was out of the question if she was to abide by the law herself.

In a time span of three months, Angela recorded almost 75 phone calls to 911. There were more but not from her personal phone.   At one time while she was staying with my older sister, Angela received a death threat phone call from her ex.

Angela’s bosses decided to hire a security officer at work. They put locks on the door going to the interior offices, so only the reception area was accessible to non-employees. Her ex raised hell in that reception area several times, but at least she felt safe behind locked doors… until she got off work.

Angela was finally able to rent an apartment close to work.

Now, her ex-husband started playing mind games with her.  He used to remove parts from her car, knowing she would not be able to tell what was wrong.  Then he’d show up in the parking lot and offer to “fix” the car.  Or taunt her that he’d fix it if only there wasn’t that Protective Order keeping him 200 feet away.

This nightmarish hell of an existence went on for 9 months.  Then he was caught leaving her apartment while she was at work one day.  He had taken a radio from her apartment. She pressed charges against him. However, he was released on bail.  Now the phone calls varied between begging and threatening for her to drop the charges.  But she refused.  Perhaps this is what pushed him to stab her 24 times the day before his court hearing. . . perhaps it was more.  The only thing I truly know is that I will never see her smile again.  She’ll never come bouncing in the room, spreading cheer.  She’ll never sit and reminisce with me again.  Her son will never know what a wonderful loving mother he had or what she sacrificed to try to give him a “normal” life.

Stalking is a repetitive pattern of unwanted, harassing or threatening behavior committed by one person against another.  Acts include: telephone harassment, being followed, receiving unwanted gifts, and other similar forms of intrusive behavior.  All states and the Federal Government have passed anti-stalking legislation.  Definitions may vary state-to-state but most define stalking as “the willful, malicious, and repeated following and harassing of another person that threatens his or her safety”.

Stalking is about obsession.  It may be motivated by an intense affection or an extreme dislike.  Stalking is very common.  One out of twelve females that YOU know and one out of forty-five men that  YOU know have been stalked.

Men commit most stalking and stalking has become one of the most dreaded crimes against women in recent years.  Many women know their stalker personally and as a result, are hesitant to believe the situation is potentially dangerous.  Being aware of these alarming signals can help you determine if you are being stalked and what you can do about it.

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]As a stalking victim, one of the most important things for you to remember is you neither wanted this, asked for it, nor do you deserve this.
There are basic steps that can be followed to help ensure your safety, but it does entail changing y our normal day to day routines and your way of life, as you once knew it.  You have no choice at this point.  The stalker won’t change so it’s up to you.  Is it fair?  Hell no, but it’s your safety and your life that we’re talking about, so you are the one who has to make the change.
First and foremost, have no contact with  your stalker.
As a stalking victim, you are frustrated, you are angry, you are in fear for your life.  How often have you wanted to scream into the phone after receiving a harassing call or confront the stalker and demand to be left alone?  You may want a friend or relative to tell the stalker to stop bothering you.  DON’T DO IT.  The stalker feeds on your attention and anyone close to you.  Your stalker doesn’t hear you screaming “leave me alone.”  If you do this, the stalker knows you’re once again paying attention to him/her, whether it’s direct contact with you or through a third party.  That’s what a stalker wants – attention, and that can be dangerous. Only the police should contact or confront the stalker.  Keep a Stalker and Incident Behavior Log for reference.
More to discuss and share as we continue to honor Stalking Awareness Month.
Take care and STAY SAFE!