An Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit can save your life!

An Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit is the mastermind process of domestic violence expert Susan Murphy Milano that combines video taping of the victims actual words attesting to the abuse coupled with creative witnessed and notarized legal documents that successfully satisfy legal hurdles often faced in these intimate partner violence and stalking cases.  Susan has worked countless hours to move mountains in the way an abuse situation is handled.It combines past history of abuse, testimony,documentation, and evidence in a all in one video to support your statements of abuse as well as satisfy the courts.

The EAA was born out of the Stacey Peterson case.  It was created to make sure if you disappear your fears and words do not.  Stacey’s case reminds us we need the words of the victim otherwise even if everyone knows it is the abuser they get away with it.  Proof is needed.  Murphy-Milano says, “Had either Kathleen Savio or Stacy Peterson prepared an EAA, there would be no question of a prompt arrest. The EAA also gives law enforcement and investigators information about the alleged perpetrator allowing the victim to speak from the grave on her own behalf, should that be necessary.  Think of the millions saved in taxpayer dollars!”

Susan has worked with prosecutors and victims all over the world.  Since her creation not one of the people she has worked with has been killed.  That in itself is a miracle since the U.S. Surgeon general finds domestic violence as the leading cause of health problems in our country.  One in every three women will be victimized.

The EAA is easy to use, very detailed and walks the victim through the steps needed to cross any line drawn in prosecutions case.  It contains the evidence and statements necessary to prosecute should the victim be harmed.

Until now the response when you are abused has been:

• victims are told to report (but action is only taken if you can show evidence of the abuse).
• Victims are told to go to a shelter.
• Victims are told to get a restraining order (but usually only granted if there is evidence of the abuse)
• Victims are told to move away (but leaving behind careers, family, and assets).
• Victims are told to stay with someone else.
• Victims are told stalking is hard to prove and stalking laws are often weak and poorly defined.

Now the solution is at your hands easily downloaded and process detailed.  The EAA is now available on Apple products for download.  It is simple, and I tried it myself.  With the ease of an App, a victim can download the app and be guided through the process of creating the E.A.A. on a Smart Phone.  Any Smart Phone with a camera will be able to video tape the recorded testimony of her abuse experiences.  The person will simply fill out the E.A.A. documentation pages, and the pages will be notarized and instructions for where thecompleted documents are sent will direct the victim through the completion process.  Utilizing cloud technology, the E.A.A. is stored safely in a forensically secured database.

It was released on July 4th, 2012.  How fitting the day for freedom is the day the app becomes available.  After 20 years of working on Intimate partner violence she sees her dream come true.All information on the EAA can be found on Susan’s website at: www.documenttheabuse.com.  Please check out her latest book now available by download, Time’s Up: A Guide on How to Safely Leave an Abusive and Stalking Relationships.  Susan Murphy Milano is a true hero to millions and her newest creation can and will save lives.  If you are in dangerous situation call local authorities and seek help. Always document everything. It can change the outcome.

This is an example of an Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit for individuals who perceive they are at risk.  By creating a file like this and giving it to specific people, any later events could be answered.  A video like this could solve a crime later on.  For more information visit www.documenttheabuse.com or Susan Murphy Milano’s Journal.

Take care and STAY SAFE!

Susan Murphy-Milano, Nationally Known Advocate and Author Has Been Called Home…

Susan Murphy-Milano

On Sunday, October 28, 2012 when many across the country were praying for Susan Murphy-Milano to find peace and to let God bring her home, she passed through the doorway of the mansion in heaven that was prepared for her.

Is she gone from us? No way.

Susan’s work lives on in each and every victim of violence that she figured out how to save, it goes on through each case she offered her expertise that got the attention it needed to make progress, she lives on through each friend who touched her life and to whom she gave so freely. Although her shoes can never be filled, her work will continue.

All of us have a favorite memory, picture and story about Susan. Please feel free to leave your words at Conquering Cancer in the comment section.

Memorial announcements will be made for a time in the future.

……Delilah Jones

Susan Murphy-Milano

was a nonfiction author, violence expert and host of the weekly radio crime show “Time’s Up” and author of a book by the same title.  Murphy-Milano, who grew up in Chicago, lived in Surfside Beach, South Carolina.

Murder-suicide

In January 1989, Murphy-Milano’s father, 30-year veteran Detective Phillip Murphy, a decorated Chicago Police violent crimes investigator, murdered her mother, Roberta, using his service weapon, a .44 magnum, and then took his own life by shooting himself in the head.  Afterward, Murphy-Milano, who discovered her parents’ bodies, vowed to change the way intimate partner crimes and homicides were handled and investigated.  She spent her career advocating for women and child victims of domestic violence.

Career

Murphy-Milano was a nationally known women’s advocate who lobbied for the passage of 1993’s Illinois Stalking Law  and the Lautenberg Amendment of 1996, a domestic violence offender gun ban.

Murphy-Milano authored Defending Our Lives: Getting Away From Domestic Violence & Staying Safe, published by Doubleday, and Moving Out, Moving On, which focuses on when a relationship goes wrong. Times Up: A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships, was released by the publishing on demand publisher, Dog Ear Press in 2010.  Author and former prosecutor Robin Sax, in a review for Psychology Today, wrote about the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit (EAA) included in the book.  “Murphy Milano reaches out and offers her hand — with a key (almost literally).  Thank you to Murphy-Milano for giving us … a succinct, well-written guidebook that is a must-have for anyone who is a victim or who works with victims of domestic abuse. ”

Murphay-Milano’s most recently published book, Holding My Hand Through Hell by Ice Cube Press details her life of abuse, murder, and domestic violence. “Life-affirming and thought provoking just like Susan. –Diane Fanning, New York Times Best-Selling Author.

Murphy-Milano often spoke to law enforcement, at schools and before groups advocating victims’ rights.   Also, she worked with the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education.

Susan Murphy Milano was a specialist and expert in intimate partner violence and worked nationally with corporations, faith based organizations, domestic violence programs, law enforcement, and prosecutors providing technical and consulting services in high risk domestic violence and stalking related cases. Her principal objective was to intervene before a victim was seriously injured or killed. Utilizing a procedure which she devised, The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit, Murphy Milano’s clients are all still alive a statistic that is remarkable considering the distinct increase in intimate partner homicides.  Document the Abuse.Com offers pertinent information for victims leaving abusive relationships.

In addition, she and her work have been prominently featured in newspapers, magazines, radio, and television including: The Oprah Winfrey Show, Larry King Radio, ABC S 20/20, Justice Files, E-True Hollywood, CNN, Sunday Today Show Profile, Women s Day, Family Circle, US News and World Report to name a few. She has frequently participated in guest media commentary panels on major and recently appeared on the A&E Biography of Drew Peterson. She is a well known radio host, regularly hosting The Susan Murphy Milano Show, Time s Up! on the Zeus Media Network, also she appeared on Crime Wire on BlogTalk Radio, and was a regular weekly co-host on the nationally syndicated The Roth Show.

Her books, Defending Our Lives; Moving Out, Moving On; Times Up!, Holding My Hand Through Hell and corresponding strategies will continue to be taught world-wide and used by law enforcement, social workers, attorneys, health care workers, human resource departments and domestic violence agencies.

Various contributors including Wikipedia 

Blessings my Sister and Friend, you will truly be missed.

I. LOVE. YOU.

My Letter to Michelle Obama by Amy J. Matthews…

Dear Mrs. Obama:

I am writing to you today because I respect you very much, and I know how important both the issues of Domestic Violence and the right of everyone to have Affordable Health Care are to you.

I want to introduce you to an amazing woman and advocate Susan Murphy- Milano. Susan is currently dying of Cancer due to the lack of Health Insurance. Everywhere she applied for help turned her down and she was informed that she did not qualify for their services. I know you agree that there is something terribly wrong when a country as great as ours can let this happen to anyone, yet alone someone who has devoted her entire life to saving the  lives of others and without once thinking about what it could mean to her own.

Susan grew up in Chicago, the daughter of a 30-year veteran Chicago Police Detective and Violent Crimes Investigator Phillip Murphy. Susan’s father murdered her mother in 1989 and then turned the gun on himself committing suicide.  His intent was to kill his daughter as well. On the way to the house to try to save her mother something made her take an unexpected turn on the way. This decision is the only reason Susan is alive today. Had she taken her normal route Susan would not be with us now! Susan lived a life of trying to keep her mother alive her entire life and after her mother was murdered she devoted her entire life to saving others.

This most amazing woman is now on her last days after putting up a good fight. I am writing you today because I know you care. I know you care about the women and children in this country, the state of our health care, and every person’s God given human right. It is not just women and children that Susan has saved; there is no gender bias when it comes to abuses towards another.

Susan is the leading expert on Domestic/Intimate Partner Violence, and at the time when she discovered she had Cancer she was already in stage 4. This all happened just as her lifelong dreams were coming true. Susan is the women who mentored Rev. Neil Schori , Stacy Peterson’s Pastor and taught him everything he knows about Intimate Partner violence. Together they created The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit    which is a legal document that can be used in court as legal testimony even if the victim is murdered or missing.

This tragic news about Susan came just as her lifelong work was getting known. Susan was getting invitations from law enforcement agencies all over the country to come and train Law Enforcement and first responders what to look for when they answer a call, or respond to a crime scene.  She was preparing to start working at a University where she was given Carte Blanche and offered full use of the Universities resources to help her with her work. She did not apply to work at this University they came to her asking her to please come and head this project. Susan was offered her own Television Show which was scheduled to air this winter.  Again she was approached by the producers she did not seek them they sought Susan. These are just a few of the triumphs that have a major impact in the field of Intimate Partner Violence!  Susan was now in high demand all over the country. But her work was suddenly halted in its prime due to her health.

Susan had a good chance to recover had she had the treatment she needed. This is a disgrace and an embarrassment for this Country which I know you and the President both agree. I am so sorry that the President’s Health plan has been fought against and has not been put into place. This is something that may have saved not only the life of this amazing woman but could have saved countless other people both through Susan’s work and the health plan combined.

This is what Susan said when she made the announcement about her Cancer:

“My dreams and hard work are now becoming reality.
In early fall there will be a national announcement about the Intimate Partner Violence Institute with two major universities.

A national conference and training hosted by the Naperville Christian Church is scheduled for the first week of October on the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit for law enforcement, prosecutors and first responders.

The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit APP will be at the Apple Store on Monday July, 2, 2012.

Holding My Hand Through Hell will be released nationwide October 1, 2012.

Everything will still happen as scheduled”.

Susan Murphy Milano June 27 2012

Please check out these links and Google her name for more on Susan. I know you will love her as much as I do and as the countless women she has saved

Susan’s Cancer blog Conquering Cancer which she started to try to change the way society looks and Cancer treatment

Susan’s Main Blog  Susan Murphy Milano’s Journal to educate the public on Intimate Partner Violence

Document the Abuse website for the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit 

Susan’s latest book “Holding My Hand Through Hell” is about her life and what it was like for her growing up in an abusive home.  She wrote this book for the purpose of helping others who are living the same hell that Susan grew up living in.  After reading this book people will know why Susan is the who she is.

See Susan’s other books here

Chicago Tribune article and interview with The Rev. Neil Schori.

Listen here to Rev. Schori interview after the trial of Drew Peterson

Susan Murphy Milano and her work in Chicago. Please watch this video and you will see the great work she has done in the past!

Thank you for taking the time to read this and listen to the interviews.

I would like to invite you to the Facebook prayer page for Susan. You will be in awe of the outpouring of prayers and thoughts of people whose lives were changed just by knowing her.

God Bless you and The President for all the work that has been done and is being done to make our lives better.

Sincerely,

Amy J. Matthews

Book Release, Susan Murphy-Milano – Holding My Hand Through Hell…

Susan Murphy-Milano once again has gone over and beyond the call of duty in her most recent released book, Holding My Hand Through Hell.

Susan, a “Success Survivor” herself of victimization and a well known Advocate in the Domestic/Intimate Partner Violence arena takes you on the ride of her life.  Ladies and gentlemen……………HOLD ON! and get ready for the read that you will not be able to put down!

Susan has never been an open book.  She has seldom opened up, never allowing the women in crisis, her close friends nor others to see or hear the damning side of her life that existed from the time she could remember. 

It was nationally known that her father was a decorated detective in the Chicago Police Department.  He killed her mother and then himself after many years of dealing the many forms of abusive power at her mother, brother and herself.   Susan was hell bent that she was going to make a difference in our society and that she does.  Yes, her father was hidden behind the blue badge, everyone covered up for him and/or turned their cheek rather than to slap his ass in jail with charges that would have stuck.

Susan has made sure in her book, Holding My Hand Through Hell that no stone was left unturned.  This book is graphic and extremely detailed, but guess what…..domestic/intimate partner violence and child abuse is graphic, raw, ugly and nasty.  One never knows when it may rear it’s ugly head.  This book can be overwhelming at times but yet……there is inspiration throughout her life that is shared.

I have personally witnessed Susan in “crisis mode” with victims who reached out to her.  Susan is always twenty steps ahead of the assailant, compassionate but firm as she instructs the victim exactly what to do and how to get it done.  Keep in mind that no victim ever died on her watch.  When assisting in solving homicides she is always on target, she would sniff out the perp just like a K9.  Susan doesn’t ever back down, yes she walks the walk and most definitely talks the talk.  When a mission presents itself to Susan she immediately goes into survival mode.  Survival mode is what Susan has known all of her life all too well.  To witness her in this mode is simply breath taking.

Holding My Hand Through Hell also proves to us all that God is always present in our lives and Susan has proved this over and over.  God was with her through every trial and tribulation; God has a purpose for each and every one of us.  We may not understand at the time while in the pain but eventually when we realize the purpose we must act upon it and follow God’s plan.  

Susan’s Murphy-Milano‘s testimony proves that she never gave up on God, she could have but never turned her back on her spiritual Father.  In turn he has used her story to make a major difference in countless lives.

**********************************************************************

At this time Susan is slipping away from us after suffering from Stage IV cancer.

May you feel God’s loving embrace as He wraps His arms around you protecting and guiding you on your journey home.  Blessings my friend.  I love you.

**********************************************************************

Holding My Hand Through Hell is available at:

Ice Cube Press

Amazon

Barnes & Noble

Take care and STAY SAFE!

HOLDING MY HAND THROUGH HELL by Susan Murphy Milano

• Paperback: 286 pages
• Publisher: Ice Cube Press
• ISBN#: 978-1888160673
• Foreword by Diane Fanning, Award winning true crime author of Mommy’s Little Girl

This poignant well-written book tells the story of a police officer’s family and a daughter’s quest for justice long after the heart-wrenching murder of her mother. Susan Murphy Milano embraces a legacy of unconditional love and faith to triumph over a life plagued with unspeakable abuse and pain.

Based on a true story, told with the flow of a novel, spiced with frank wisdom and with, Holding My Hand Through Hell encourages the reader to immerse themselves into this family s life and is an inspiration to become an advocate for change in this world we all share.

Holding My Hand Through Hell will incite discussion, debate, and heightened awareness about hope, survival, abuse, murder, and its impact on our society. In the end, it will leave readers both applauding this woman as well as wondering how she escaped, sometimes at the eleventh hour. Twenty years later, she has realized that God must have been holding her hand through hell, delivering her from the evils of her life in order to save others.

“Raw and riveting Holding My Hand Through Hell starts fast and never lets up. In this powerful memoir, author Susan Murphy Milano throws open her personal closet so that we see what drives this woman to tirelessly champion voiceless victims and the people who love them”…… Steve Jackson, NY Times best-selling author.

About Susan Murphy-Milano

SUSAN MURPHY MILANO is a specialist in intimate partner violence and works nationally with domestic violence programs, law enforcement and prosecutors providing technical and consulting services in “high risk” domestic violence and stalking related cases.  Her principal objective is to intervene before a victim is seriously injured or killed.  Utilizing a procedure which she devised, the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit© Murphy Milano’s clients are all still alive.

SUSAN MURPHY MILANO is the author of DEFENDING OUR LIVES (Doubleday 1996), MOVING OUT, MOVING ON (Kind Living Press 2008), and TIME’S UP (Dog Ear Publishing 2010) which guide those in abusive relationships to a place of freedom and safety.

Susan’s quest for justice was instrumental in the passage of the Illinois Stalking Law and the Lauternberg Act.  She has been prominently featured in newspapers, magazines, radio and television including: The Oprah Winfrey Show, Larry King Radio, ABC’S 20/20, Justice Files, E-True Hollywood, CNN, Sunday Today Show Profile, Women’s Day, Family Circle, US News and World Report to name only a few.   She has frequently participated in guest media commentary panels on major news programs.

To learn more about Susan and her work, please visit the following sites:

SusanMurphy-Milano.Com

DocumentTheAbuse.Com

HoldingMyHandThroughHell.Com

Facebook….Twitter….LinkedIn

Holding My Hand Through Hell

Book Tour Stops:

Thursday, October 4: Official Launch from Heartland Fall Forum with Jillian Maas Backman and Ice Cube Press Publisher, Steve Semken on radio show, Change Already!  

LISTEN TO PODCAST

Friday, October 5:  Writing is a Crime, Diane Fanning (wrote the foreword)

Saturday, October 6: Shattered Lives with Donna R. Gore LISTEN LIVE

Monday, October 8: Truth, Justice, and All-American Allergen-Free Apple Pie, Heidi Hiatt

Tuesday, October 9: NeilSchori.Com Pastor Neil Schori

Wednesday, October 10: Losing Austin, Finding Myself, Anita Sullivan

Thursday, October 11: Safe Relationships Magazine, Sandra L. Brown, MA

Friday, October 12:  Statement Analysis: Peter Hyatt

Monday, October 15: HopeForHealing.Org and GayleCrabtree.Com, Gayle Crabtree

Tuesday, October 16: Crime Wire with Dennis Griffin LISTEN LIVE

Wednesday, October 17: Justice Cafe

Thursday, October 18: Danielle Pierre

Friday, October 19: Washington Times, Paula Carrasquillo

Monday, October 22: PamelaChapman.Biz Pamela Chapman

Tuesday, October 23: The Roth Show Blog, Dr. Laurie Roth

Wednesday, October 24: AnnyJacoby.Com, Anny Jacoby

Thursday, October 25: Amy Elk, Voice Over Actress, and Justice for Nique, Amy Elk

Friday, October 26: Doc Bonn Blog, Dr. Scott Bonn

Monday, October 29: Cynthia Caron

Tuesday, October 30: DonnaGore.Com, Donna R. Gore “LadyJustice”

Thursday, November 1: Crime, She Writes, Cathy Scott

Friday, November 2: BurlBarer.Net, Burl Barer

Monday, November 5: Survivors Justice, Patricia McKnight

Via ImaginePublicity

An Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit can save your life!

An Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit is the mastermind process of domestic violence expert Susan Murphy Milano that combines video taping of the victims actual words attesting to the abuse coupled with creative witnessed and notarized legal documents that successfully satisfy legal hurdles often faced in these intimate partner violence and stalking cases.  Susan has worked countless hours to move mountains in the way an abuse situation is handled.It combines past history of abuse, testimony,documentation, and evidence in a all in one video to support your statements of abuse as well as satisfy the courts.

The EAA was born out of the Stacey Peterson case.  It was created to make sure if you disappear your fears and words do not.  Stacey’s case reminds us we need the words of the victim otherwise even if everyone knows it is the abuser they get away with it.  Proof is needed.  Murphy-Milano says, “Had either Kathleen Savio or Stacy Peterson prepared an EAA, there would be no question of a prompt arrest. The EAA also gives law enforcement and investigators information about the alleged perpetrator allowing the victim to speak from the grave on her own behalf, should that be necessary.  Think of the millions saved in taxpayer dollars!”

Susan has worked with prosecutors and victims all over the world.  Since her creation not one of the people she has worked with has been killed.  That in itself is a miracle since the U.S. Surgeon general finds domestic violence as the leading cause of health problems in our country.  One in every three women will be victimized.

The EAA is easy to use, very detailed and walks the victim through the steps needed to cross any line drawn in prosecutions case.  It contains the evidence and statements necessary to prosecute should the victim be harmed.

Until now the response when you are abused has been:

• victims are told to report (but action is only taken if you can show evidence of the abuse).
• Victims are told to go to a shelter.
• Victims are told to get a restraining order (but usually only granted if there is evidence of the abuse)
• Victims are told to move away (but leaving behind careers, family, and assets).
• Victims are told to stay with someone else.
• Victims are told stalking is hard to prove and stalking laws are often weak and poorly defined.

Now the solution is at your hands easily downloaded and process detailed.  The EAA is now available on Apple products for download.  It is simple, and I tried it myself.  With the ease of an App, a victim can download the app and be guided through the process of creating the E.A.A. on a Smart Phone.  Any Smart Phone with a camera will be able to video tape the recorded testimony of her abuse experiences.  The person will simply fill out the E.A.A. documentation pages, and the pages will be notarized and instructions for where the completed documents are sent will direct the victim through the completion process.  Utilizing cloud technology, the E.A.A. is stored safely in a forensically secured database.

It was released on July 4th, 2012.  How fitting the day for freedom is the day the app becomes available.  After 20 years of working on Intimate partner violence she sees her dream come true.All information on the EAA can be found on Susan’s website at: www.documenttheabuse.com.  Please check out her latest book now available by download, Time’s Up: A Guide on How to Safely Leave an Abusive and Stalking Relationships.  Susan Murphy Milano is a true hero to millions and her newest creation can and will save lives.  If you are in dangerous situation call local authorities and seek help. Always document everything. It can change the outcome.

This is an example of an Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit for individuals who perceive they are at risk.  By creating a file like this and giving it to specific people, any later events could be answered.  A video like this could solve a crime later on.  For more information visit Susan’s website.

Take care and STAY SAFE!

Contributed by Examiner.com in part

Showcasing an Alleged Murderer?…Drew Peterson

Susan Murphy-Milano is on the heels of The Chicago Sun-Times and rightfully so.  Since when are prisoners allowed to be “showcased” (definition – a setting in which anything may be displayed to BEST ADVANTAGE/BEST EFFECT)?

Last week the paper, Chicago Sun-Times ran a two-part series of a letter from former Sergeant and alleged murder, Drew Peterson.  The first headline ran on August 15th, “The Drew Peterson Letter My Life in Jail” and  on August 16th, “Drew Peterson-Not Easy Being A National Pastime“.  And, Chicago Sun-Times columnist Michael Sneed was able to run them on the front page!

Drew Peterson was arrested in May of 2009 for the alleged murder of his third wife, Kathleen Savio in 2004 as well as the fact that his fourth wife, Stacy Peterson is still missing.

In her blog, Murphy-Milano Journal, Murphy-Milano is hitting home runs as she digs her cleats in as she stands up for justice to be served for the women that Peterson is accused of harming.

It is purely outrageous to give any type of attention to an accused murderer. What was the purpose?  A selling tactic?  It is appalling that any attention would be granted or even considered; however, what about equal playing time?  What about giving Kathleen and Stacy equal acknowledging – they were the victims and should be thought of first and foremost.  Even if others won’t, Susan will do it herself.

And, furthermore what message is being sent to abusers and assailants by endorsing and publishing Peterson’s garbage?  From my account and other Advocates, the message is loud and clear – “the lives of victims of intimate partner homicide do not matter in Illinois and across the country”.

Susan Murphy-Milano is a noted expert in the field of domestic and family violence, Intimate Partner Homicide, and officer involved domestic violence, not only through a heart to help victims, but from her own personal life experiences.  She has written three books on how to safely leave a violent relationship, which include methods she has used over the last 20 years of her service to victims, saving countless lives.

Her latest book, “Time’s Up,” includes a unique method, the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit, outlined in Chapter 4, which is a series of signed and notarized documents, along with video testimony, that will stand up against the Crawford v Washington ruling in courts across America. Victims who have been lethally harmed will have a voice against their abuser, as in the cases of both Kathleen Savio and Stacy Peterson.

Be sure to check in on Murphy-Milano’s Journal for the series on Peterson’s letters from jail.

Also, please realize the importance of leaving your comments/feelings on Susan’s blog.  When we outwardly join forces there is a loud impact indicating communities are coming together.

Thank you!

STAY SAFE!

Pat Brown, Criminal Profiler Weighs In On Susan Murphy-Milano’s “Time’s Up”

Criminal Profiling Topic of the Day: TIME’S UP for Domestic Abuse

Pat Brown, The Daily Profiler

April 26, 2010

We hear the term, “Domestic Abuse,” thrown around quite a bit and it is worth taking a look at what it really means in our own lives. Is it physical, mental, or both? When does one spouse’s treatment of the other cross the line from just imperfect humans struggling in a relationship to one partner mistreating the other? After all, we know that marriage can be “work” and issues have to be dealt with and ironed out. We are going to disagree, even argue and be mad at each other, and, sometimes, we are not going to actually be able to kiss and make-up before bedtime. When should one start to worry that there is something really wrong with our marriage partnership?

I would say it is when the “partnership” becomes a boss and employee relationship and the boss is someone we would like to fire. While everyone wants power and control in life, a spouse must be willing to share that power and control with their partner, work together to achieve a balance where both parties are satisfied with the equation. Doing so is not a problem for those who love their spouse and want to see their spouse happy and want to achieve a positive and pleasing family life. Working together is an expectation for a committed couple and being good role models for the children is a natural desire for caring parents.

When one spouse becomes the master, putting his or her needs and desires above the spouse’s, doesn’t care how his/her mate feels, ignores the impact of this imbalance on the children, this is abuse – whether it is in the form of emotional manipulation of physical domination.

Ideally, one should wait a reasonable period of time before having children to see if one’s mate is one’s best friend, that you work out fair solutions to problems, that your beloved really loves you, and you are happy together. You need a couple of years, if not more, to find out whether you have just signed up for a partnership or a prison term. If your marriage sucks, having children in it will make it suck more and, worse, it will trap you for years and years as now you have a family you don’t want to destroy.

But, let’s suppose you have already blown it and you are stuck in a nightmare; you are being mentally or physically tortured with regularity and you fear your mate instead of feeling safe in their company. It’s time to make the decision to leave. Susan Milano-Murphy, one of my fellow bloggers at Women in Crime Ink knows well when someone should make a break for it and titles her new book on escaping abuse, TIME’S UP: A Guide on How to Leave an Abusive and Stalking Relationship.

If you are not frightened of your mate, you can simply state you want a separation, make plans to live in different residences, and, if you feel there is any hope through counseling, give your spouse a chance to make a change if he/she really wants to do so. If you think past behavior is pretty much a predictor of future behavior, then you are probably right (because it usually is), and you need to make the best choices you can for the well-being of the children.

But, if you are in a physically dangerous situation, if your spouse has been violent or threatening or coldly psychopathologically scary, you will want to get Susan’s book, TIME’S UP! This book doesn’t merely discuss when you should leave or why you should leave, it tells you HOW you should leave. The book has step-by-step instructions how to covertly make a plan, set-up a safe escape, deal with financial issues, and the paperwork. Susan even takes you line-by-line through the process, the forms, the legal issues…she takes you by the hand, and, believe me, when you are being terrorized and you are an basket case, you don’t need vague ideas, you need specific instructions. TIME’S UP can save your life and your sanity. If you need to get out, get this book before you make a mistake that could be fatal. It is money well spent.

Resources:
Order “Time’s Up!”
Order “Moving out, moving on”
Order “Defending our Lives”
Overview of Susan’s work
Abuse document and video

Susan Murphy-Milano’s website

Could Susan Murphy-Milano’s “Time’s Up” have helped Susan Cox Powell before it was too late?

Fort Lauderdale  News  Seattle Headlines Examiner

April 12, 10:50 PM Seattle Headlines Examiner Isabelle Zehnder

Time’s Up! by Susan Murphy-Milano

Courtesy of Susan Murphy-Milano
Via Lisa Michels

April 12, 2010 – According to Susan Murphy-Milano, Susan Cox Powell is a great example of a woman who could have benefited from her newly released book “Time’s Up!”.

Susan Murphy-Milano believes that with the proliferation of deaths due to domestic violence, something has to be done, something different, and something effective.

Murphy-Milano is a 20-year veteran of family violence, having discovered the bodies of her mother and father after her father shot and killed them both. The memory of that day is forever etched in her memory. She is driven to help other women who are victims of domestic violence in their own homes.

Her newest book, “Time’s Up”, A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships,” was released April 12, 2010. (Click here to order.)

“Time’s Up!” guides the victim towards safety by showing them the unseen pitfalls of leaving a violent relationship and how to navigate around them.

“Time’s Up!” also has explicit details and instructions how to fill out an “Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit”, one of the unique things that Murphy-Milano has created and used through the years in high danger cases which has saved the lives of many.

You can actually live free from a life of abuse and violence using creative approaches developed by Susan Murphy Milano in her new book, “Time’s Up!”

You can’t Google the strategies and escape plans utilized by Susan who has devised a way that works and has been tested by time for over 20 years. Just like DNA, your road map will be uniquely your own because each safety plan is individual.

More than just a “to do” list, this book is a “must do” list if you are caught in a life threatening situation.

• How to properly hire a lawyer,
• How to find an apartment,
• How to keep your personal records safe,
• How to deal with stalking
• How to set up visitation and child support
• How to stay 10 steps ahead of the abuser

Susan Murphy Milano has been in the streets and shelters helping women escape from bad relationships and has developed creative ways out of frightening situations. There are domestic violence organizations and advocates who call on Susan daily to get her expert opinion on cases of battered women and how to get them on a track of freedom and safety. :

“I cannot emphasize how important this book is to all the women in your life.  Even if you are in a good, stable relationship, buy this book, keep it handy.  One day, when you least expect it, someone close to you will need it.  It can save a life—many lives.” `Diane Fanning, author of The Calylee Anthony Case “Mommy’s Liitle Giirl”, “Written in Blood”, ” Gone Forever” St. Martin’s Press  ( her website is http://www.dianefanning.com)

Previous books, “Defending Our Lives” and “Moving Out, Moving On” are benchmarks dealing with issues  domestic violence safety plans and are used throughout the country as examples of what to do should you be caught in a violent relationship. “Time’s Up!” uses the foundations and helps you to build your own, unique safety plan allowing you to escape safely and rebuild your life.

Following is an excerpt from another book written by Susan Murphy-Milano, “Moving out, moving on”:

If you are in a relationship, you must be treated with respect, which means your boyfriend or partner:

is willing to compromise
lets you feel comfortable being yourself
is able to admit to being wrong
tries to resolve conflict by talking honestly
respects your feelings, your opinions and your friends
accepts you saying no to things you don’t want to do (like sex)
accepts you changing your mind
respects your wishes if you want to end the relationship

When someone loves you; you feel valued, respected and free to be yourself. You shouldn’t be made to feel intimidated or controlled.

Think about your relationship – do you feel respected?

Susan Murphy-Milano is a specialist in family violence and works nationally with domestic violence programs, law enforcement and prosecutors providing technical and consulting services in “high risk” domestic violence and stalking related cases.

Her principal objective is to intervene before a victim is seriously injured or killed.

Murphy-Milano believes if missing women such as Susan Cox Powell, Renee Pernice, Stacy Peterson, and others, had created this abuse document the person responsible for their disappearance would be arrested (click here for abuse document and video).

Murphy-Milano is an advocate for women in abusive relationships across the country. She advocates for stronger laws to protect women. She has helped women feel protected by providing education and a safe haven. Click here for an overview of Susan’s work.

About Susan Murphy-Milano

Susan Murphy-Milano is often praised as one of the most dynamic and engaging speakers of our day in the domestic violence prevention field.

As an expert in the area of intimate partner violence and the prevention of homicide, Susan has created specific tools and procedures which the abused need to safely leave a violent relationship.

Her books, “Defending Our Lives”, “Moving Out, Moving On” and “Time’s Up!” are considered the “bibles” of how to make the move away from abuse and deal with the many confusing situations surrounding violence prevention, stalking, break-up or divorce.

Susan witnessed her father, a decorated Chicago Violent crimes Detective, brutally and violently attack her mother repeatedly. The words “if you leave I will kill you,” turned into reality the night Susan walked into her childhood home and found her mother murdered and her father in the next room dead from a self-inflicted gun-shot wound to the head.

Susan vowed then, and has, since the murder-suicide of her parents, carved out a road map making changes in the way the world looks at violence in and outside the home.

Her books and strategies are taught world-wide and used by law enforcement, domestic abuse advocates, social workers, attorneys, health care workers, human resource departments and domestic violence agencies. The comprehensive strategies and escape plans utilized by Susan have been successful and tested by time for over 20 years.

Susan uses humor, passion, and all her years of experience to motivate her audience to become more effective first responders, advocates and professionals in their work to stop family violence.

Susan’s quest for justice was instrumental in the passage of the Illinois Stalking Law and the Lauternberg Act.

She has been prominently featured in newspapers, magazines, radio and television including: The Oprah Winfrey Show, Larry King Radio, ABC’S 20/20, Justice Files, E-True Hollywood, CNN, Sunday Today Show Profile, Women’s Day, Family Circle, US News and World Report to name only a few.

She has frequently participated in guest media commentary panels on major news programs. She is a contributor to the online blogs Women and Crime Ink and the crime survivors blog Time’s Up.

Susan Murphy-Milano is the author of “Defending Our Lives” published by Doubleday books and “Moving Out Moving On” when a relationship goes wrong.

Her newest book, “Time’s Up!” A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships, is available on-line and in bookstores.

Susan is host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show and will be participating in the new television show, “Crime Wire” which will examine cases in which the investigations have left questions unanswered and possible criminal activity unexposed. Her Website is www.susanmurphymilano.com.

Resources:
Order “Time’s Up!”
Order “Moving out, moving on”
Order “Defending our Lives”
Susan Murphy-Milano’s website
Overview of Susan’s work
Abuse document and video

Time’s Up – A Book of Distinction

TigressPen’s Surmisals

Until Susan Murphy Milano educated us all on the meaning of the term ‘Domestic Abuse,’ and it’s long term effect on women and children of the abused, anytime we heard of LE going to a home where a husband and wife were ‘arguing,’ one slapped the other stuff is the way we viewed it. Marital discord, family spat, heated argument – those were the terms we read and believed was truth in these situations. The incidents were nothing more than a shrug and head shake of ‘shame on them disgust,’ and quickly forgotten.

I read another blog piece on ‘Psychology Today,’ praising this book and the author, Robin Sax, mentioned OJ Simpson. That mention got me to thinking; I can’t remember spouse abuse of any kind being seriously discussed on talk shows before the OJ trial. Before the murder trial, when OJ Simpson beat on Nicole and she called the cops, they basically overlooked and did not really see abuse for what it really was, domestic violence; they saw him as the great football hero, Nicole as the argumentative wife with an attitude. Unfortunately, we saw domestic violence that way throughout the US long before they made Nicole’s abuse public; wives had an attitude and they were just ungrateful. The first question spouses were and, sadly, often still asked is ‘What did You do to deserve it?’ That question makes my blood pressure rise! In truth, wives do nothing to deserve it! Nobody deserves to be hit or beaten in any way. Now we see ‘marital discord’ that becomes physical for what it is – Abuse! And it’s abuse that could, and too often does, escalate to murder.

Women (and men who are abused) need ‘Time’s Up’. They not only need to read it, to think about their own situations, but need to be proactive and protect themselves and their children from an abuser. I think of Micah Pate, killed in April of 2009, and wonder how often or if she was abused by her husband, Thomas, prior to her murder. He claims accidental shooting but, (and that is a huge but) his story doesn’t add up in my mind. I think Micah could have greatly benefitted from ‘Time’s Up’ and it’s roadmap of advice.

‘Time’s Up’ is the best gift a person can give a friend whom they believe is in an abusive relationship. Teens need this book; teens abusing their girlfriend or boyfriend are more prevalent than many realize. Verbal, emotional and physical abuse is escalating in teens.

To quote Robin Sax – To say that Susan Murphy Milano has hit the nail on the head (again) is a total understatement! How true! That is more than an understatement; Susan has hit the nail dead-center, choreographed a life-saving-roadmap for the abused. No word can adequately express or exemplify how important ‘Time’s Up’ is for victims of abuse.

‘Time’s Up’ is more than a manual, a handbook, it’s more than just another book, it’s a ‘Lifesaver,’ a surefire roadmap chocked full of ways to document evidence and protect yourself; in protecting yourself, you are also protecting your children from a life with an abuser. Hopefully, we will eventually see a copy of ‘Time’s Up’ in every library, every police department, every school, every church and every shelter where those who need help can utilize it and protect themselves from an abuser.