YMCA’s Take Child Protection Very Seriously

YMCAs take child protection very seriously.  Their extensive policies and attention to safety regarding every program and service make them a leader in “state of the art” child protection policy.  They also know that this alone does not keep children safe in their communities.  They instead recognize the need for leadership at every level to be involved and engaged in protecting children from sexual abuse.  With the health and well being of children and families at the heart of their mission and a long history of tackling tough community issues, Y’s across the country are stepping up to convene leaders and engage the entire community in prevention.

Teaming up to support these local Y efforts, D2L and The Redwoods Group Foundation are providing tools, resources and funding assistance to help YMCAs operationalize wide spread community awareness and education.  Our vision is that Ys, serving as the natural conveners, bring together community leaders, other local child-serving organizations, and policy makers as partners in prevention.  This exciting collaboration is empowering communities with a strategy and a model for creating and sustaining positive change in the protection of children from child sexual abuse.

YMCAs are helping lead a national effort to build community initiatives that increase awareness of the problem of child sexual abuse and bring prevention to the local level.  A key to their success with such initiatives is their ability to bring together the right people and resources to facilitate change in communities nationwide.  Locally, they do this every day generating solutions to challenges facing their communities.

While community prevention initiatives across the country are having an impact, Y’s have the ability to exponentially increase participation in the effort.  Serving over 9 million children and 12 million adults in 10,000 communities they can be the most effective and efficient pathway to reducing child sexual abuse.  In addition, one of the Y’s focus area is social responsibility, and their emphasis on youth development makes them a natural partner to address this issue.  As former Y CEO, Ralph Yohe stated, “Y’s are uniquely position to take a leadership role in prevention as we are often at the heart of a community, we have a long history of tackling community issues, and bottom line, the protection and well being of children is part of our mission.”

Thanks to the impact YMCAs have on kids, families and communities—and the sheer number of communities they serve—this “Y movement” will lead the way in engaging the largest group of citizens yet in child protection!

YMCA Background

In early 2009, The Redwoods Group, a commercial specialty insurance group based in NC and one of the largest insurers for YMCAs, contacted Darkness to Light to explore synergies between the two organizations.  Redwoods felt that they could provide benefit to their clients by adding Stewards of Children prevention curriculum to their training offerings, believing that the empowering and emotional elements of the program would augment the policy and procedure training components that were also necessary.

Kevin Trapani, founder and CEO of Redwoods, had a bigger vision.  The Redwoods Group is a privately‐held, Certified B Corps that takes their responsibility for the safety of children at Y’s across the country very seriously.  Not only that, social responsibility is at the core of everything Redwoods believes so it wasn’t enough to just address child safety within the 4 walls of a Y.

A collaboration begins…In 2010, the social enterprise’s Foundation made a commitment to facilitate community‐based child sexual abuse prevention through YMCA’s.  Over the past three years, the Redwoods Group Foundation has dedicated significant time, energy, and financial capitol to protect children from the trauma of sexual abuse. Collaborating with Darkness to Light, a Stewards of Children “seed fund” was created to assist YMCAs in starting community initiatives.  The Foundation has two staff members working to bring YMCAs together to propel the effort to scale.  Their goal is to help YMCA’s engage community partners in child sexual abuse prevention and intervention.  Ultimately, they hope the effort will be expanded to all YMCAs.

Via d2l

Anny is a Steward’s of Children Authorized Facilitator and Prevention Specialist who trains adults to prevent, recognize and react responsibly to child sexual abuse through Darkness to Light’s certification programs.  Please contact Anny to bring Prevent Now! community meetings your area and to arrange Steward’s of Children trainings.  You may contact her via email, anny@annyjacoby.com or 919-225-1421.

Take care and STAY SAFE!

What Can We Learn From Penn State?

It’s unfortunate that it takes national headlines to get people talking about a problem that is all too prevalent in our society but we can take advantage of this opportunity to shine the light on the issue of child sexual abuse and recognize that we all have a responsibility to protect children.

• We’ve learned that this issue is not about big universities, celebrity, or the Catholic Church.  It’s not about reputations, or legacies or any one institution.  This issue is about children.
• We’ve learned that we have to step into the reality that there are people in our midst that would rob children of their innocence and they are people we know and trust.  They will go out of their way to appear above reproach and they will infiltrate our families and organizations where they can have easy access to children.
• We’ve learned that it takes tremendous courage for children and adults that have been abused to come forward.  We must support and honor this courage and work together to ensure their story is not handed down to other innocent children.
• We’ve learned that child safety is the job of an adult.  Teaching children how to keep themselves safe from abuse is important, but adults bear the burden of stepping up and speaking out when something doesn’t look or feel right with respect to the wellbeing of a child.  We’ve learned that it may or may not be our legal responsibility as mandated reporters depending on where we live but morally it is the right thing to do.  If you see something or suspect abuse, call the police.
• We’ve learned that the ramifications of not acting responsibly are clear.  More abuse occurs, more children are harmed, fewer children get the help they so deserve.  To be silent bystanders is to be complicit in its occurrance and wake. To intervene is to ensure that a child is treated and supported, that they are healed and better protected from potential lifelong hardships of trauma.
• We’ve learned that child sexual abuse is preventable.  We can learn the facts, we can acknowledge the reality, we can talk to others adults, we can ensure youth serving organizations have comprehensive child protection policy, and we can talk to our children.  Awareness and education is the answer.
• The fight against child abuse cannot be the job of one agency; it has to be a collaborative effort.  It will take all of us to change culture–to one where engaged adults offer no place for a perpetrator to commit their heinous acts and no access to children.
• We can be stuck in the shock and horror of what happened at Penn State staying focused on who knew what and when or we can pledge right now to stay focused on the things we can do today that better protect children.  Let Penn State serve as a wake-up call.  Will we stay vigilant or will we again become complacent when the smoke clears?

Ways to Get Involved

• Learn the 7 Steps to Protecting Our Children
• Find out more about Stewards of Children, a training for adults on how to prevent, recognize, and react responsibly to child sexual abuse.
• Take Stewards of Children onlinenow.
• Join the Movement to end child sexual abuse

Via d2l.org

Anny is a Steward’s of Children Authorized Facilitator and Prevention Specialist who trains adults to prevent, recognize and react responsibly to child sexual abuse through Darkness to Light’s certification programs.  Please contact Anny to bring Prevent Now! community meetings your area and to arrange Steward’s of Children trainings.  You may contact her via email, anny@annyjacoby.com or 919-225-1421.

Take care and stay safe.

Child Sexual Abuse Community Awareness Meetings Being Planned…

The Darkness to Light’s child sexual abuse program(s) are trainings across the United States.

Have you taken a stance again CSA?  If not, why not?  Call or email me to plan Darkness to Light’s Child Sexual Abuse Community Meetings, Prevent Now! (45 mins) and/or “Stewards of Children”, two-and-a-half training sessions for adults.  Darkness to Lights program seeks “to empower adults through awarness and educational programs to PREVENT, RECOGNIZE AND REACT RESPONSIBLY to childhood sexual abuse. 

“The only public good thing that came out of the horrible Penn State situation is it’s brough major attention to Child Sexual Abuse.”  Take a stance, NOW!

Take care and STAY SAFE!

Sandusky case triggers pain well beyond campus…

As adults, victims suffer nightmares, anger, anxiety from childhood abuse.

By Kari Huus, Reporter msnbc.com

As the Penn State sex abuse scandal unfolds — ghastly detail by detail — on front pages, the airwaves and Twitter accounts, the news can be especially devastating for one group in particular: former victims of sexual abuse.

“Another night of triggers and flashbacks,” writes a forum member on MaleSurvivor.org, a website devoted to healing male victims of sexual abuse. “… I felt him all over me and my arms are scratched as I try to get the feeling of his hands off me. … I think all the (Penn State) news set the triggers off, and now I am like a zombie, trying to recover and move forward today.”

“I never met Jerry Sandusky, but feel I know him all too well,” writes another member of the forum, referring to the university’s former defensive coordinator who stands accused of sexually molesting at least eight young boys. “I dealt with my own ‘Jerry’ when I was 12 or 13. … Now that he is sated and I am long forgotten, I’m still picking up the pieces.”

“This whole thing is devastating me. These boys are lost in the details … just as most of us here were,” the member added.

Psychologists say that any sex abuse victim — man or woman — may find that news of the Penn State case sparks painful memories. But the way this case is unfolding strikes an especially deep chord with men.

“It can be very triggering of either their own memories — they may get flashbacks — or they may get angry again,” said Richard Gartner, a psychologist and psychoanalyst in New York, and spokesman for Malesurvivor.org. Some men may have to limit their news consumption, and maybe avoid watching football to avoid a panic attack or bout of depression, he said.

“It is re-traumatizing for them — more so to the extent that they believe that this is being handled wrong … and ignoring the needs of the victims.”

Different experience for boys
Sexual abuse has a different impact on boys than on girls, and they deal with it differently because of socialization, experts say.

“Men aren’t supposed to be victims. Men are supposed to be strong,” said Jim Hopper, clinical instructor of psychology at Harvard Medical School. “A man says I’m not a real man, because I let someone do this to me. I should have been tougher. Even after years of therapy they say this.”

Girls who are abused by men are psychologically damaged, to be sure, experts say, but boys abused by men often come to question their sexual identity and orientation.

“If they were sexually abused by a man, there’s this whole stigma — does that mean I’m gay, or did he do it to me because I look gay?” says Hopper.

Another difference: Boys who forced into sexual acts may have an erection — a physiological response which makes them all the more confused and ashamed of the encounter, Gartner says.

The women’s movement helped bring sexual assault of females into the public eye — and led to tougher penalties against attackers, more policy aimed at prevention and better access to care for victims. The focus on sexual abuse of boys came nearly 20 years later, when hundreds of childhood victims went public with stories of abuse by Catholic priests, according to Gartner.

Shame, silence, secrecy
Still, the shame and stigma makes it less common for boys to report abuse and seek help than girls, studies show.

“Men tend to come into treatment much later in life,” said Gartner. “Usually they are in their 30s, 40s or 50s — occasionally in their 70s — never having spoken about this.”

Their reluctance to talk about abuse is partly to blame for the perception that sexual abuse of boys is rare, Gartner said.

Research shows that about one in six boys are sexually abused before they are 16 years old, according to Hopper, a founding board member of the nonprofit organization OneInSix, which aims to help men deal with abuse they experienced as children.

The number for girls is one in four. The statistics do not include verbal harassment or other forms of non-physical sexual abuse, such as forcing a child to watch a sexual act.

Reports of sexual abuse by boys are still more likely to be dismissed, researchers say, which can intensify the victim’s pain and difficulty later in life.

“Boys who are sexually abused are mostly disbelieved, or it is minimized,” said Gartner. “They’re told, ‘just get over it’.”

“They learn that nobody’s safe,” said Hopper. “That’s really devastating. … that people who were supposed to protect me are not going to help me, they are blaming me!”

That perception by a child can lead to a wide array of problems as they grow older, including depression, anxiety, emotional numbing, substance abuse, and difficulty forming healthy relationships.

PTSD in high gear
Robert Brown, 51, who is now open about his story, was repeatedly sexually assaulted over the course of seven years when he was a child. He says the perpetrators were older boys who were favored because they were top athletes in his small New Hampshire town, while his plight was ignored by adults.

Brown did not acknowledge the problem to anyone until four years ago, when he was blindsided by a severe bout of post-traumatic stress.

Now he is a child protection activist, and shares his story on the MaleSurvivor.org forum, many of whom keep their abuse secret.

“In my lifetime and in my time with all other survivors that I know, the Penn State case is the most earth-shattering one for us to face,” Brown said in an interview.

“Probably because of the authority abused and the trust abused by the sports program and by Jerry Sandusky. It gets worse when we see that it’s underprivileged kids being so badly abused as if they are throwaway people,” he added.

“We identify very, very strongly with these boys. And we identify with the poor handling of this. To think there are 15-year-old cases that have never been dealt with,” Brown said. “It kicks off the (post-traumatic stress) into high gear — nightmares, flashbacks, extreme depression. It’s been some of the worst few days of my life emotionally.”

Gartner said that while the Penn State case has clearly caused pain and anguish for men struggling with the aftermath of abuse, it does demonstrate that perceptions have changed since the 1980s, when he started treating sexually abused men.

“Before the (Catholic) church scandal, even in professional meetings, people rolled their eyes, feeling that (sexual abuse of boys) happened rarely,” said Gartner. “Now, nobody seems to be saying it doesn’t happen. It does give people courage to come forward and disclose and get help, and that’s positive.”

Take care and STAY SAFE!

 

Penn State Tradegy by Erin Merryn

By now we all have heard about Penn State. All you need to do is turn on the television and whether you are watching the news or sports they are talking about it.

Jerry Sandusky doesn’t have many free days left before he is locked away for the rest of his life. He is a perfect example of why we need Erin’s Law in every state. Adults in charge witnessed children being molested by assistant coach Jerry Sandusky and while they reported it they did not take it to the police which they should have reported immediately when they saw it happen. No ifs, ands, buts, about it. They witnessed a horrific act take place or were told about these horrific acts being done to children and they turned a blind eye.

The Board of Trustees did exactly what needed to be done and that was firing the President of the University and head coach Joe Paterno. Joe started off doing the right thing by taking it to the President but when the President did not go to police with the matter this is when it was Joe Paterno’s moral duty to report it to police. Instead more children’s innocence would be stolen all in the sake of protecting the Universities reputation. A school’s image is more important in the mind of a University President then innocent children who fell into the hands of a very dangerous sick individual who used his authority to groom and rape children. Reports have said Sandusky gave the children he abused many gifts. Often sexual predators use gifts as a way to silence children on top of threats. Several adults over a fifteen year time period were aware of Jerry Sandusky’s actions yet Jerry continued to be around children and abusing several more.

If these children had learned in school the same way they are educated on tornado drills, bus drills, fire drills, DARE, Stranger Danger, Internet Safety, Bully Intervention, etc. on safe touch, unsafe touch, safe secrets, unsafe secrets, how to get away and tell today then these children would have had the courage to speak up and keep telling an adult until someone put an end to their horror. Instead they were never educated because we fail to educate kids on sexual abuse which is why I went after Erin’s law. The law that would have empowered these children with the power to use their voice and tell someone. So many more children could have been saved from the hands of Jerry Sandusky had they been educated. Parents would have been educated through Erin’s law on what to talk about with their kids and the warning signs to look for in a child that has been abused. One parent whose child was abused spoke openly without her identity being revealed and she shared how her son’s behavior changed, he began acting out, showed lots of anger, and did not want to be around Sandusky. She went to the school guidance counselor about it and the guidance counselor brushed it off saying it is a phase he is going through. Had this mother been educated on the biggest silent epidemic in this world, that being sexual abuse of children, then she would have known to talk to her son and her son would have known to talk and not keep these secrets.

I would advise any parent never to let your kids stay the night with their coach. Invites to overnights by a coach, youth group leader, etc. is a red flag right there. That should be a strict boundary in every household. I don’t care how well you think you know the person. Is the risk really worth it knowing your child could fall hands to a predator you never imagined would do such a thing. It is time for the world to take off their blinders and wake up. What has happened at Penn State as I have been saying for years is happening in our own backyards. Just take a look in your own community. These sex offenders  live in your communities and you don’t even know it because many have not been caught. Not until we educate children through Erin’s Law in schools will more children break their silence. My law will prevent what happened at Penn State from ever happening again because children won’t spend years in silence because they will be educated to know this is wrong and not to keep it a secret. Children will be turning these sexual predators in the first time it happens because they will be getting the other end of the message. The first message is to stay silent, this is our secret, don’t tell anyone, I will hurt you, your family, no one will believe you, etc. The message that is missing throughout society is the educational piece. Don’t keep this a secret, tell someone, we will believe you, keep telling until someone takes action, who are safe people in your life you can tell if this happened to you, etc.” Sexual predators don’t just take children’s innocence they take their voice when they are being abused. We have to empower children to use their voice and not fall into the trap of silence.

Penn State needs to use what happened in their community and take action against this silent epidemic. They now have the reputation that won’t be going away. This scandal will be one talked about decades from now so they now have the power to make change happen in society. Addressing the silence around sexual abuse and demanding change. Being a voice for the 39 million survivors that exist in America alone. Urging their lawmakers and Governor to pass Erin’s Law in their state.

I turned the painful events of sexual abuse and rape in my childhood into putting a face and voice on this silent epidemic in my two books Stolen Innocence and Living For Today, passing Erin’s Law in Illinois and Missouri and eventually will get it passed in all 50 states, and flying the country speaking before thousands of people the past 7 1/2 years to shatter the silence, stigma, and shame around sexual abuse. The same way I turned the tragic events in my life into triumph the same is possible for the reputation of Penn State. They can do something positive about this unlike the riots that broke out this week. They can raise awareness and become a campus that is a face and voice on child sexual abuse for educational institutes around this country and world.

With an estimated 39 million survivors of sexual abuse in America 3 million of those are children right now living in our country. That 3 million could fill 46 national football stadiums. Imagine that for a moment 46 national football stadiums of children that have been sexually abused. Joe Paterno was Penn State head football coach for 46 years.  For every year he was head coach the entire football stadium could be the 3 million children in America who were sexually abused. These children are real and the life long challenges they face because of sexual abuse can be life altering. Shame and pain that you could never imagine if you have never been abused. These children often grow up to be adults many carrying their silence into adulthood because the shame is too great. Because of the silence around sexual abuse they often feel so alone in this world. Alone in a world where a past comes back to haunt them in nightmares and flashbacks. Pulling them right back into reliving the trauma they suffered. Many survivors of sexual abuse as children will spend years in therapy trying to come to terms with what happened and learn how to go on living a life and not be defined by this.

I was interviewed by a Penn State writer for the college paper today for a story that will run in the next day or two. As I tried to explain to her that I wanted her to get across to her study body is the fact that this isn’t about college football. We are talking about innocent children who were raped at the hands of a very sick individual who preyed on them while they were doing something they loved, playing football. I would not be surprised if several of these children turned away from ever playing football again after what happened because of the painful reminder it brings back. I spoke back in April at a child abuse conference in Hershey, Pennsylvania not very far at all from Penn State. I had just come from speaking the day before at a New Jersey child abuse conference and drove two hours into Pennsylvania in my rental car. I was driving into a town that was known for being chocolate capital of the country. The light posts in the downtown were Hershey kisses, they have chocolate businesses every where and the biggest attraction is chocolate world where children go for school field trips and parents take kids. If you like chocolate you were in the right town and you would think it would be hard to pass through this town without stopping for chocolate. Well as I explained in my speech I don’t eat chocolate. I actually hate it. I won’t eat chocolate cake, brownies, frosting, ice cream, etc. How is it possible to hate chocolate? Well if you have read my books I explain clearly in them why I don’t eat chocolate you see I use to love chocolate as a kid. It took one night celebrating my grandfather’s birthday with all my other relatives in 1998 for me to find myself locked in a dark bedroom with a cousin on top of me, molesting me, begging him to let me go, hearing the sounds of happy birthday being sung downstairs to my grandfather, and eventually being told by my cousin to go get cake with him. I sat at a table in the kitchen in silence with a chocolate piece on cake and my cousin taking a seat right across from me with his piece of cake and just smiling at me with that grin I will never be able to erase from my mind. I felt my stomach turn and with the rich taste of chocolate in my mouth  and I just wanted to throw up. He often gave me something called a Star Crunch after abusing me at his house. Star Crunch was chocolate coated with caramel and rice crispy. Anytime I put any form of chocolate in my mouth it became triggering and the rich taste of it would immediately bring me back to memories of abuse. I have tested myself and have learned the only way chocolate doesn’t do that to me is chocolate with peanut butter in it. Here is one example how someone even like myself that is so outspoken on sexual abuse can also continue to be affected by actions of someone who abused me.

Penn State is a national tragedy and many lives have been hurt. It is time to raise up and tackle this issue that needs to be addressed in every state, educated in every school, every home, and survivors need to know they have nothing to be ashamed of. I have no doubt that more boys will come forward and that number of 8 will get higher. If you know someone or are someone that has been abused and never told anyone or did tell someone and nothing was done then tell someone today. You have nothing to be ashamed of and you could be helping others come forward and find their voice. You find a new sense of peace finding your voice.

God Bless the survivors of sexual abuse at the hands of Jerry Sandusky. Justice will come I promise!

PENN STATE be an example for others, start to educate, raise awareness, go after Erin’s Law. The country is watching. Make us proud.

About Erin Merryn

Erin Merryn is the author of Stolen Innocence and Living for Today,  memoirs about incest and rape.  She graduated in May 2009 with a Master’s degree in Social Work from Aurora University. A leading participant in Take Back the Night, her goal is to raise awareness of abuse in order to end the stigma and silence. Since 2004 she has been traveling across America giving inspirational and motivational speeches at national conferences, community events, Children’s Advocacy Centers, colleges, and high schools. She has appeared on Oprah, Good Morning America and Montel Williams.  Her writings have appeared in Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul, Daily Herald, and Teen Voices, among others. Erin spends her time between the suburbs of Chicago and Lake Geneva, Wisconsin. Visit Erin at www.erinmerryn.net.

Take care and STAY SAFE!

World Of Dance Competition, 2010 Goes R-Rated…

World Of Dance Competition, 2010 Goes R-Rated…

Keyboards have been clicking away, eyes are popping, pedophiles are having a hay day, parents and advocates are raising hell as 8-9 year-old girls shook their booties to Beyonce’s hit “Single Ladies” at the World of Dance competition in Los Angeles last month.  These gals are definitely talented but allowing a R-rated dance routine is destructible on many fronts.

There is such a thing as age appropriate material and the dance moves  that were choreographed for these little girls was not age appropriate.  Booty shaking, bumping and grinding is not age appropriate for 8-9 year olds, bottom-line.  The routine has the girls wearing midriff tops, hot pants and fishnet gloves, it’s not totally the amount of skin that the girls are showing, the performance was explicitly sexual.

It totally blew my mind when I heard the father of one of the little dancers defended the dance on Good Morning America, saying the girls’ performance was “completely normal for dancing” and just “doing something they completely love to do.” Two parents spoke to Inside Edition, expressing shock at the negative reaction and denying that last month’s moves were “overly sexual.”

Young girls are definitely being over-sexualized and the debate over whether little girls are getting too sexy too young is heating up.

“There’s something kind of disturbing about these images, otherwise they wouldn’t be all over the Internet,” says Jay Reeve, a clinical psychologist in Tallahassee, Fla. “It’s pretty clear that this dance is erotic in a way that would be more appropriate for girls post-puberty.”

The girls were most likely unaware of the inappropriate implications of their dance however the dance coach and the parents supporting this kind of behavior is sending the wrong message.  However, now that the girls have been exposed to media, interviewed about their performance, hearing parents speak of their stance – they are center stage, no pun intended.

Vivian Friedman, child psychologist and professor at the University of Alabama at Birmingham states, “We’re pushing kids younger and younger to be sexual. The girls are having fun and enjoying the attention they get from it,  but it’s teaching them that the way to get attention is by acting sexual and seductive.”  Reeve agrees, saying that it’s normal for kids to seek attention and approval for exhibiting skills. “People have always admired young ballerinas in scanty costumes, but those performances weren’t explicitly sexual.”

“It’s the same drive that makes a kid want to be a great baseball player or to do impressive tricks on their skateboard.” but in this situation, there are clearly sexual implications for the ‘skills’ they are showing off.”

“When you reward sexual behavior [at this age], they’re probably going to continue to try to gain applause and approval from this type of behavior. You’re coaching them that they are expected to behave in a way that’s prematurely sexual.”

Cory Miller, father of one of the girls, told “GMA”; “The girls weren’t meant to be viewed by millions of people.”  Isn’t this a double standard?  If you have no problem with your daughter dancing, shaking and gyrating then why this comment?  Hello…….It was a competition and everyone carries video cameras as well the use of cellphones to shoot video footage.  Didn’t he think that there was a possibility that his daughter and the others would be “exposed” for the world to see? Daddy needs a wake-up call.  You were damn lucky that you had time to prepare for the repercussion.

The dancing that these young girls performed was approved by the parents and they allowed the dance coach to put it into action.  If Mom and Dad do not have a problem with the “routine” then it must be okay (in their minds). What message as parents of such actions are they sending to their girls as well as other children their age?

As a mother, advocate and safety expert – parents you have sent a loud and clear message to your girls.  The wrong and inappropriate message.

And, to many that find nothing wrong with this provocative routine my contention is that there are way too many men/women (pedophiles) that would “take” advantage of an innocent dance.  Our girls are made to grow up way too fast in many different ways.  Please don’t add fuel to the fire and give perverts more ammo.  Let little girls but little girls.

I completely understand that competitive dancing is a sport and I totally admire the talent and gift.  They are athletes; however as parents and dance coaches you must take responsibility of what is “age appropriate” and act accordingly.

And, addressing this performance as “sexually explicit”; well it is. Appreciating the talents of these young ladies who are gifted, physically fit and committed to dance is healthy and encouraged.  Keeping dance routines to “age appropriate” is the concern.

Unfortunately, there is way too many abductions, rapes and murders happening to our young people for Advocates to just sit back and not be heard.  Everyday we are fighting against exploitation of innocent children. The assailants do not need anymore help of this nature.

Parents it is your responsibility to set an example, make boundaries and draw limits.  The issue is, “What have you and are you exposing your daughter to?”  Our girls are exposed through various outlets (music, movies, television, magazines, etc.) that it is imperative for parents to guide and protect them in all manners.  They are not educated nor have the knowledge of the ramifications of their actions as innocent as they (in their minds) may believe.

All those involved in allowing this routine to be performed from the WOD administration/judges right down to the parents are at fault with no regard to their safety or exposure.  None have done any justice for the well-being or protection of the girls.

The girls deserved to be respected for their talents, they performed what they were instructed and permitted to do.

World of Dance, the dance coach and the parents did step over the line.

Are College Campus Administrations Really “Getting It”?…

Yeardly Love’s family is beginning their healing process of losing a child, a loved one.  George Hugely’s family is in the midst of trying to understand the devastating crime that their son has committed and supporting him with love.  Friends and students are trying to stay focused as the semester comes to an end with finals and day-to-day life.  The UVA lacrosse team members (female and male) move into tough practices filled with emotions yet knowing that Yeardley would want them to participate in the upcoming tournament. And, UVA Administration is in the midst of looking at ways that they can combat the possibility of ever experiencing such a tragedy again.  But…are the college administrations really “getting it”?

I say “no” the administrators are not totally “getting it”.

Putting into place the requirement of background checks, receiving alerts if a student has a “run-in” with the law and understanding, acknowledging and being proactive about intimate dating violence within the student body are totally different.

While I feel that proposed policies that UVA is looking into in order to protect the “liability of a college/university” is being proactive from a business stance; the “liability” of being proactive for the student body is not.

I do not believe that administrators are “getting it” when it comes to understanding intimate partner dating violence.  They do not understand that an abuser doesn’t necessarily have “run-ins” with the law nor any criminal history.  For God’s sake we have law enforcement and military personnel who are abusers – get my drift?  An abuser does not necessarily “fit a mold”.

College administrators do not understand that our young people do not know, are not educated nor understand the warning signs and red flags of abuse.  Administrations do not understand that it is imperative to require faculty members to be “educated” about signs of abuse. It should be stipulated within a faculty members contract that “abuse and assault continuing education is an annual requirement”.  And, if suspected it must be reported, acknowledged, investigated and must be held accountable.

So while they are putting into place all of the “business liability” precautions they are still doing nothing to assist the student body (females and males). They are not putting into place any “requirements” for education for students from a proactive stance.

Isn’t that what college is ALL about – the students, their education/life skills, their safety, their dreams?

Rihanna showing courage and poise as she tells her story

November 6, 2009

loveisrespect.org

National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline

We are seeing a third media frenzy over the Chris Brown and Rihanna story.  This time, the world is seeing a poised and courageous Rihanna talk about a very confusing and painful time in her life.  She is still trying to sort it out for herself.

One thing she has realized is that young girls are watching her and taking her actions seriously. In the Good Morning America interview, she said she could not take that “lightly.”

You may have noticed that some stories refer to her story as domestic violence and others as dating violence. It doesn’t really matter what you call it. Rihanna was hurt by a man who said he loved her. It was not her fault. It was his choice.

We will continue to see more of this story in the news as we all try to understand how this could have happened. It is a good discussion to have. Thank you, Rihanna for your willingness to share with us.

November 7, 2009

“Dating Violence is Preventable”

Posted: 04:29 PM ET

By Sheryl Cates
CEO, The Hotline and loveisrespect

Rihanna has shown tremendous courage in speaking out, and telling her story WILL SAVE LIVES.

As a celebrity who is admired by millions of young women around the world, Rihanna has the ability to capture the attention of the nation and inspire others to leave an abusive relationship before it is too late.  She has chosen to speak out to ensure that young women going through similar situations will see that this is a serious issue and they need to take action.  Her voice will give courage to women who are suffering in silence to speak out and take action.

I’ve been asked why Rihanna should feel embarrassed and ashamed and maybe even guilty, but these feelings are characteristic of what happens when violence takes place in an intimate relationship.  You love this person and he hurt you.  It still doesn’t mean that it is your fault.  The violence was a choice that the abuser made.

Rihanna’s experience illustrates the need for education in schools.  Dating violence is preventable.  It is not an accident.

I encourage anyone who is in an abusive relationship to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224.  You can also visit www.thehotline.org for information.  We are here 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to help victims of domestic violence.

If you are a teen, sign on for a live chat with a peer advocate at www.loveisrespect.org or call us at 1-866-331-9474.

Call us.  We are here to help 24 hours a day.

Rihanna Breaks Her Silence on Chris Brown Saga

oneindia

Wednesday, November 4, 2009, 12:39

Washington, (ANI): Rihanna wants to turn things around after the infamous domestic violence incident involving former boyfriend Chris Brown and shed some light on the reality of domestic violence. The ‘Umbrella’ singer’s ex-beau Brown, 20, assaulted her before the Grammy Awards kicked off in Los Angeles. But now the stunning pop singer is embracing change.

Named with four others “Woman of the Year” by Glamour, the 21-year-old Barbadian singer has said that despite the shame owing to the media frenzy over the incident, she wants to use her experience to make young women aware of the “big secret” about abusive relationships.

“Teenage girls can”t tell their parents that their boyfriend beats them up…It”s one of the things we (women) hide because it”s embarrassing,” CBS News quoted Rihanna as saying. “I want to give as much insight as I can to young women because I feel like I represent a voice that isn”t really heard. Now I can help speak for those women,” she added.

I post the articles above and below with pending questions as well as concerns.

Since Rihanna’s assault became public many felt that she had every opportunity to be a voice for victims of domestic violence if she would have only pressed charges instead of going into hiding.   The impact of her voice would have been a loud message to all, “I DO NOT AND WILL NOT TOLERATE ABUSE”.  This did not happen.  Many were disappointed to see/read/hear that she did not come forward, press charges and then explored rekindling a relationship with Chris.   But then again, this is a very common saga/cycle.  The vicious cycle of domestic violence:

This assault brought national and international attention to domestic violence and abuse but was not the first time between Chris Brown and Rihanna.

We’ve witness Chris Brown trying to salvage his career on national television and in interviews.  Now Rihanna comes forward.

What are the guidelines for picking  “Woman/Women of  the Year” awards given by Glamour?  Glamour choose five women for 2009, Rihanna, Maria Shriver, Michelle Obama, Amy Poehler and Serena.  “They’ve got strength, talent, altruism, humor, and intellect in spades–and did we mention incredible style, to boot?” stated on Glamour’s website.

I pray that Rihanna has come to her decision on her own accord to speak out and not pressured by her award by Glamour nor others (agents and camp).  I pray that this is NOT a ploy to salvage her career but rather be a voice and Advocate for victims of Domestic Violence.  However, Rihanna is still healing as the transition from victim to survivor takes time and everyone heals in their own time.  We all know the impact that Rihanna can/will have on her fans (especially our young people) regarding domestic violence – a considerable impact of awareness only if for the “right” reasons.

However, the mixed signals that were sent to all and now again can be damaging in many ways.  Rihanna definitely has our attention and we are waiting to hear from her lips to our ears what her intentions are.  Any person of fame that advocates for a cause has to be willing to step up and be ready and able to be in the spotlight of their cause.  How will Rihanna handle her role?

Time will tell.

Rihanna Breaks Her Silence on Chris Brown Saga

Rihanna Tells Diane Sawyer: ‘This Happened to Me … It Can Happen to Anyone’

By LAUREN SHER and SHEILA MARIKAR

Nov. 4, 2009

After months of silence, pop sensation Rihanna is talking publicly about her relationship with her ex-boyfriend, Chris Brown, and the February 2009 events that led to his arrest.

For the first time, Rihanna tells her story. Thursday on GMA, Friday on 20/20.

“The more in love we became, the more dangerous we became for each other,” she told ABC News’ Diane Sawyer in an exclusive interview set to air on “Good Morning America” at 7am ET Thursday, Nov. 5. Their full interview will air on “20/20” at 10p E.T. Friday, Nov. 6.

In August, Brown was sentenced to five years of probation, six months of community service and one year of domestic violence counseling for assaulting the 21-year-old pop singer the night before the Grammy Awards.

“This happened to me … it can happen to anyone,” Rihanna told Sawyer in the “20/20” interview, which will also be seen on “GMA.”

Rihanna told Sawyer that Brown was “definitely my first big love” before the dramatic incident, which resulted in the tabloids tearing apart the couple’s seemingly fairy tale relationship.